AGAIN!?! It's been awhile AGAIN?!? I'm real annoyed with myself! I no more than get a few people reading my stuff and then I fall off the edge of the earth!
I can honestly say this time though, that I've been busy! Since my last post, we've moved, Kate has started school, I have painted a living room, 2 bedrooms, an entry way, 2 hallways, a stairway, and 4 ceilings.
We're around the corner from the farm! Michael has started a new job and is going to help with the family farm. I am still at home, but now with only 2 children. Kate rides the bus to and from school each day and is really excelling. I can't believe the difference in her in just 2 1/2 weeks... MJ and Lauren seem to be adjusting well to the move and to being without Kate daily. They're always very happy to see her skipping up the driveway from the bus at the end of the day.
We're attending St Johns Lutheran Church here in town. It's going to be an adjustment. St Paul's was my first real church home and it was very difficult for me to leave there. Honestly, I still feel like a bit of my heart was left behind... Someone posted a picture of the sanctuary on Facebook the other day and I was instantly homesick. And St Paul's is my home. There are a lot of very important memories there. Michael and I have already discussed and decided that we will still be making trips back to visit.
I started a Bible study today. The women's group is doing a study of Daniel. I think I'm going to like it. It's really delving into the book and is exactly what I need. There are only 2 other women in the group, plus the leader and a pastor. It's a big enough group to allow conversation but not so big that we end up off subject. I'll keep you posted on everything there...
We were back in Ohio this past Sunday. Patti gave her testimony at her church. It was phenomenal!!! She's lost 100+ lbs now! I'm so proud of her and her journey. She's such an inspiration!!! We also got to spend some time with the Gulicks and stop by our old house to grab more of our things.
That stop by was quite emotional for me. I'm making the new place my home, but I'm always going to feel attached to Hillsdale County. I made some real good friends there. I grew so much in Christ. Michael and I made huge strides as husband and wife and really started walking with the Lord.
I still have moments of worry... That things are ever going to be "that good" for us again... I mean, in so many ways, this location is wayyyyy better for us (family closer, friends closer, better schools, better job for Michael) but in other ways it was real nice to be just Michael and Stephanie vs. the world. We were really on our own down there. We were making names for ourselves. We were laying our own foundation. We were just us.
There's history here.
Good and bad history.
Just keep us in your prayers...
Blessings -
501. Time for reflection
502. Quick dinners
503. No TV
504. A wonderful weekend of fellowship
505. The upcoming weekend - Go Green!
506. A new chapter
507. Being back in the decorating saddle
508. Ideas swirling around in my head
509. Line drying clothes
510. Hand washing dishes
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Day #49 - Writer's Block?
I seriously have gone over and over at least a dozen topics in my head the last few days. I have stuff to say. But then I sit down to get started writing… and NOTHING! What the heck???
So I decided today to just start writing. I’m convinced if I just start (which is the hardest part) something good will come… And I’m still waiting…
I CAN write about this – Our friend from church. He saw 2 different doctors that both told him that his thyroid growths were something along the lines of “highly probably cancer”. Can you be any vaguer? (Just for the record, vaguer sounds real dumb! But it is actually a word.) Anyway, we prayed. And our church prayed. And we prayed some more. And he went home, to go to Mayo Clinic where he was informed that he was “grossly over-diagnosed”. So there is obviously still a problem, because a person doesn’t typically have growths on his/her thyroid, but not cancer?!? Can you say halleluiah?!?
Now I know what the Christians are thinking… Praise God! He answered our prayers! Our Lord healed our friend!
And I can probably guess where the non-Christians heads are… Wow! Those other doctors were really off base when they told him he had cancer. They probably ought to further their education a bit (at the very least). That guy is real lucky that he went and got further opinions before starting chemo or radiation.
Christ VS Luck
Giving it to God VS Chalking it up to chance
Prayer VS Carrying it all on your shoulders
It astounds me how much easier it is to turn it over to God. Seriously. And it works! That’s the real kicker! This prayer, trusting in God thing, it is working in my life… And in the lives of the people I care about.
Do you need another example?? I have story after story of people that have turned their lives over to God and He has moved mountains for them! This is not coincidence, people! Do you hear me?!? I’m practically yelling to get your attention! ;-)
I have a friend who has struggled with her weight for years. She has been a prisoner in her own body. She’s tried diets and exercise on her own, always failing. She finally gave it to God. She asked Him for help, praised Him when He answered, and gives Him all the credit every time she shares her testimony. She has lost 98 pounds!!! And she’s not done. She’s got more to go, but she hasn’t slipped, lost ground, or even thought about throwing in the towel. God is keeping her on track!
This is real stuff.
And like I said, it ASTOUNDS me how much EASIER it is!
I’ll ask you this -
Actually, I challenge you – I challenge you to give it a chance.
Turn it over to God for 30 days. Commit a month to prayer. If it doesn’t work, go back to doing it your way. And I’ll even take it a step further… You’re probably not reading this by mistake. Something or someONE led you here… Just try it.
You won’t be sorry.
And praise God for Scott and Patti!!!
AND Take THAT Writer's Block!!!
Blessings:
491. God's Perfect Timing
492. His Patience while I learn to wait on His Timing
493. Great friends
494. Godly Counsel
495. Good conversation
496. Beautiful baby girls
497. Our beautiful flower beds (i need to take a picture and share it on my blog!)
498. An upcoming evening at home without children
499. Michael's family which has become mine that allows us the opportunity for much needed alone time
500. Grilling out weather
So I decided today to just start writing. I’m convinced if I just start (which is the hardest part) something good will come… And I’m still waiting…
I CAN write about this – Our friend from church. He saw 2 different doctors that both told him that his thyroid growths were something along the lines of “highly probably cancer”. Can you be any vaguer? (Just for the record, vaguer sounds real dumb! But it is actually a word.) Anyway, we prayed. And our church prayed. And we prayed some more. And he went home, to go to Mayo Clinic where he was informed that he was “grossly over-diagnosed”. So there is obviously still a problem, because a person doesn’t typically have growths on his/her thyroid, but not cancer?!? Can you say halleluiah?!?
Now I know what the Christians are thinking… Praise God! He answered our prayers! Our Lord healed our friend!
And I can probably guess where the non-Christians heads are… Wow! Those other doctors were really off base when they told him he had cancer. They probably ought to further their education a bit (at the very least). That guy is real lucky that he went and got further opinions before starting chemo or radiation.
Christ VS Luck
Giving it to God VS Chalking it up to chance
Prayer VS Carrying it all on your shoulders
It astounds me how much easier it is to turn it over to God. Seriously. And it works! That’s the real kicker! This prayer, trusting in God thing, it is working in my life… And in the lives of the people I care about.
Do you need another example?? I have story after story of people that have turned their lives over to God and He has moved mountains for them! This is not coincidence, people! Do you hear me?!? I’m practically yelling to get your attention! ;-)
I have a friend who has struggled with her weight for years. She has been a prisoner in her own body. She’s tried diets and exercise on her own, always failing. She finally gave it to God. She asked Him for help, praised Him when He answered, and gives Him all the credit every time she shares her testimony. She has lost 98 pounds!!! And she’s not done. She’s got more to go, but she hasn’t slipped, lost ground, or even thought about throwing in the towel. God is keeping her on track!
This is real stuff.
And like I said, it ASTOUNDS me how much EASIER it is!
I’ll ask you this -
Actually, I challenge you – I challenge you to give it a chance.
Turn it over to God for 30 days. Commit a month to prayer. If it doesn’t work, go back to doing it your way. And I’ll even take it a step further… You’re probably not reading this by mistake. Something or someONE led you here… Just try it.
You won’t be sorry.
And praise God for Scott and Patti!!!
AND Take THAT Writer's Block!!!
Blessings:
491. God's Perfect Timing
492. His Patience while I learn to wait on His Timing
493. Great friends
494. Godly Counsel
495. Good conversation
496. Beautiful baby girls
497. Our beautiful flower beds (i need to take a picture and share it on my blog!)
498. An upcoming evening at home without children
499. Michael's family which has become mine that allows us the opportunity for much needed alone time
500. Grilling out weather
Monday, July 30, 2012
Day #48 - A Day (or more like 2 weeks) In The Life of Me
3 girls “resting” on 3 different levels of our home = the
perfect opportunity for this mommy to sit down with her new laptop to type/sort
out some thoughts/have some quiet time alone.
We have had A LOT going on the last few weeks… A LOT! There
have been times in my life that I’ve felt like we don’t have much going on.
That has all changed as of late.
It started with an almost weeklong visit from a cousin who
lives in Maryland. She lost her dad (my Uncle Buzz) 3 years ago and likes to
stay busy when the anniversary of his death arrives. So, she came to visit us
along with her husband and 3 boys. It was a great week, filled with a lot of
fun, laughter and reminiscing. Memories were made, a few drinks were consumed
and promises to get together every year were exchanged. We do need to make that
happen!
The eve of her leaving (Friday), we received some sickening
news that a friend at our church was going to be leaving prematurely. Michael
and I have become quite close with him so it was a shock to us. But he had some
health issues that needed to be handled immediately… so we spent the morning of
my families last day with us, without them, but in church with our church
family praying for safe travels, good news from doctors, and strength for our
friend during whatever comes to pass. It was a beautiful service, filled with
many, many, many tears… that left me feeling a bit overwhelmed, but faithful…
trusting in the Lord to wrap His arms around all of us.
Two days later, VBS started. Kate and Lauren had an
absolutely fantastic time! The 3 days were filled with song, prayer, puppet
shows, crafts, snacks and a lot of fun. I’m so proud of my big girls and feel
so blessed to have found such a wonderful church home for them (and for us!).
Madeline and I spent our mornings in the nursery. She played with the other
little ones and I had some time to just sit and relax with the moms there. It
was truly wonderful, and just what I needed.
Wednesday, we received more hard news. Michael’s brother,
who has a month old little baby girl, was rushed to the hospital. He was
light-headed, and having chest pains. Long story short, he had a collapsed
lung. Yesterday, we drove over to visit him in the hospital, see the new baby,
and support his wife. He’s in surgery now as I type.
Woooo!!!
On top of all that, my dad is waiting in Indiana right now
for a flight to Afghanistan for the next year (or two)… We need to buy a new
mattress and box springs for Lauren’s bed (which we found out was broken AFTER
we just dropped money on this new laptop)… The van is burning oil so we might
be car shopping soon… And we’re trying to get some things figured out with our
cell phone, satellite tv, internet service situation (living in the middle of
nowhere doesn’t leave a whole lot of options)
I guess things were running smoothly for so long that I
forgot how to handle all this drama and craziness. I’m sure we’re all going to
be fine. I do know that everything will work out. Prayers would definitely help
though. Please? And thanks!
Blessings
471. Our church family472. Great friends
473. Family time
474. Great grilled meals
475. Cooking with my husband
476. Swimming with the girls
477. Kate’s new-found outgoing nature
478. Lauren’s beautiful eyes
479. The progress with Madeline’s talking
480. Company which causes me to clean floors
481. A clean house
482. Michael losing a bet with me and cleaning the toilets
483. Evening talks
484. Summer Olympics
485. Long car rides
486. Watching the girls enjoy the beach
487. Making plans for next summer
488. Looking forward to college football
489. Beautiful weather
490. Freshly mowed grass
Monday, July 2, 2012
Day #47 - Floundering
I'm in a place... I'd like to say it's not familiar... but unfortunately that's not the case. Although... in typing that, I realize that if this was new, maybe I'd be feeling a bit scared. And I'm not scared. I've been here all too often.
Funk. Anxiety. Rough patch. Restlessness. Breathlessness. Stir crazed. Uncomfortable. Unsure. Limbo. Roller coaster. Longest day of my life.
All those words describe it. But I know unless you've been here, you don't get it.
I've been trying to push it down for a few days now, shove it out of my mind, make it disappear... but I know better... If it was that simple I'd keep it hidden all the time.
The puzzling thing is, after dealing with this so many times, it seems like I could figure out why it happens, what to do to prevent it or at least alleviate it, or even how to know how long it's going to last. I have yet to figure out how to do any of those things.
I've spent the morning picking things up, sweeping, doing dishes, the same daily tasks... but it looms... it's over me like a dark cloud... trying to suck me in... trying to convince me that I just need to retreat, go back to bed, cry, bury my head and sink in deeper.
Today, I'm struggling... but I know that tomorrow could be brighter... I know that tomorrow possibly this will all be a distant memory... and yet somehow that doesn't reassure me enough to clear my mind.
1000's of thoughts... mind crippling really...
And the sticking point - I have NOTHING to be upset about. MJ just turned 2 yesterday. We had an absolutely beautiful weekend as a family. We finally got some rain so the grass is greening up a it. The girls are sitting at my feet looking at our wedding album. I'm babysitting another little girl today that is a joy. The sun is shining.
But I'll say this, in listing all that, it almost brings me to a worse place. Why can I feel so stuck when everything happening is wonderful? Why can't I enjoy this moment instead of wishing it away? What else is there? What do I need to stop the madness, the anxiety, the pull into depression?
I'll throw this out there too - I'm ok. I'm not as bad as all this probably sounds. I just felt a pull to share, to relate, just in case someone else is there too. And maybe to look back on, and smile, because when this passes, as I know it will, I'll feel renewed, invigorated, and proud of myself for sharing it in such a public way.
Today, I'll pray.
Please God bring me peace. Help me to pull myself out of this miserable state. I need your guidance to clear my head and clear my heart. I know that as a child of yours, you are always with me, always walking with me and lighting the way. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, AMEN!
Funk. Anxiety. Rough patch. Restlessness. Breathlessness. Stir crazed. Uncomfortable. Unsure. Limbo. Roller coaster. Longest day of my life.
All those words describe it. But I know unless you've been here, you don't get it.
I've been trying to push it down for a few days now, shove it out of my mind, make it disappear... but I know better... If it was that simple I'd keep it hidden all the time.
The puzzling thing is, after dealing with this so many times, it seems like I could figure out why it happens, what to do to prevent it or at least alleviate it, or even how to know how long it's going to last. I have yet to figure out how to do any of those things.
I've spent the morning picking things up, sweeping, doing dishes, the same daily tasks... but it looms... it's over me like a dark cloud... trying to suck me in... trying to convince me that I just need to retreat, go back to bed, cry, bury my head and sink in deeper.
Today, I'm struggling... but I know that tomorrow could be brighter... I know that tomorrow possibly this will all be a distant memory... and yet somehow that doesn't reassure me enough to clear my mind.
1000's of thoughts... mind crippling really...
And the sticking point - I have NOTHING to be upset about. MJ just turned 2 yesterday. We had an absolutely beautiful weekend as a family. We finally got some rain so the grass is greening up a it. The girls are sitting at my feet looking at our wedding album. I'm babysitting another little girl today that is a joy. The sun is shining.
But I'll say this, in listing all that, it almost brings me to a worse place. Why can I feel so stuck when everything happening is wonderful? Why can't I enjoy this moment instead of wishing it away? What else is there? What do I need to stop the madness, the anxiety, the pull into depression?
I'll throw this out there too - I'm ok. I'm not as bad as all this probably sounds. I just felt a pull to share, to relate, just in case someone else is there too. And maybe to look back on, and smile, because when this passes, as I know it will, I'll feel renewed, invigorated, and proud of myself for sharing it in such a public way.
Today, I'll pray.
Please God bring me peace. Help me to pull myself out of this miserable state. I need your guidance to clear my head and clear my heart. I know that as a child of yours, you are always with me, always walking with me and lighting the way. In the name of your son, Jesus Christ, AMEN!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Day #46 - Honesty Is Always The Best Policy?
So I wrote this post months ago... But never posted it... Not sure why. I guess I wasn't "feeling it", but it's kinda relevant now, so I figured I'd go for it. I welcome any input. I've kinda gotten myself into a conundrum here...
When is too much
information, truly too much?
Have we lost our filters?
When friendships build, or families bond, and walls come down, is that always a
good thing? Does telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
so help you God = forgetting to guard people’s hearts, crossing imaginary lines
and no longer caring about hurting others feelings?
Do we ALWAYS really NEED to
know EVERYTHING? If not everything, then how do we know when enough is really
enough?
I’m not saying that any of
this is always intentional… I think that sometimes we say things, and then look
back and realize our buffer was not functioning. In some cases, alcohol may be
a factor (not that i’m speaking from personal experience in that area, ah hem) and
quite often it’s because our emotions have gotten the best of us. Other times,
I truly believe that things are said with the best of intentions, but without
maybe thinking through how they will be interpreted or taken.
So does that make it all
forgivable?
And if so, how do you forget
what has been said once the apology has been issued? Once the words have been
uttered, is there any way to really take them back?
I’ve always said, I’m an
everything kind of person. I’d rather know, than feel like I have to guess. I’d
rather be sure, than assume. I’d rather risk hurting someone’s feelings, than
bite my tongue and put on a fake face. And if someone asks me, or demands
accountability, I’m definitely going to speak the truth, and hold them to it.
Recently though, I’ve found
myself wondering… Why did I need to know that? What good came from the
knowledge? What good will come from me spewing these feelings? Does this person
really, really, want the accountability that they claim to? If I say ________,
will they interpret it as_______?
I guess I’m almost saying
that I don’t know that I know what honesty really looks like anymore… That’s
scary to think, let alone type, and will be even scarier when I re-read it.
That’s where I’m at though…
Is it still honesty if it’s
ugly? Is it still the truth, even if it’s just an interpretation? When giving
advice, real advice, is it best to follow your brain, your heart, or neither?
Is fleshly advice worth anything anymore?
I’m befuddled. Perplexed.
Confused. Almost exasperated. I’m convinced that we all need to do the “right”
thing (obviously), I’m just not sure what that looks like or sounds like…
especially since every situation presents different opportunities…
Opportunities to make or
break a friendship. Opportunities to make amends or further divide. Chances to
remedy and repair or continue to hurt and build walls. Crossroads that can lead
to forgiveness and possible reconciliation or more issues and drama.
One more thing… Just to
further complicate things…
If honesty is required, and
it’s not always given, what happens to the relationship? Because truly, if
we’re all real about it, there probably isn’t a single person that we’re
totally and completely honest with 100% of the time.
Blessings
441. A loving, FORGIVING husband.
442. A beautiful day at a pond yesterday.
443. Spending time with great friends.
444. Kate coming out of her shell.
445. Lauren being a love bug.
446. Madeline's no fear attitude.
447. Air conditioning.
448. Grilled chicken legs.
449. A dip in the pool after dinner as a family.
450. Kate and Lauren finally going under water.
451. Kate says it's "easy peasy!"
452. Lauren so trusting.
453. Madeline really really talking.
454. A trip to Manistee.
455. Michael enjoying the fishing.
456. Yummy fish we brought home to grill.
457. Experiencing the beach with the girls.
458. Kate's new key phrase when I ask if the water is cold, "It's not too bad mom!"
459. Massive amounts of sand.
460. Wonderful family friends that open their house to us.
461. Awesome grilled meals - meatloaf and shish-ka-bobs.
462. Spending time with my "other" parents (my in-laws).
463. Ice cream after lunch.
464. Well-behaved girls that make me so proud!
465. A new niece, Mackenzie Mary.
466. Excitement for the new, first-time parents.
467. Another trip to the beach planned to go meet her!
468. A soon-to-be 2 year old baby at our house!
469. Looking forward to fireworks
470. Independence!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Day #45 - Lost Cause
It's nearly impossible to follow a conversation when only listening to one end of the phone call... and frustrating...
That is all...
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Day #44 - Gimme A Break
This morning as I was making breakfast for the kids, and was already feeling overwhelmed for the day, I found myself deep in thought... I was considering things that I've thought about many times before, but because I can't quite figure them out, put them aside for another time.
Example?
I've said it, many times. "I just need a break!" A break from what you might ask (not if you know me very well though, because you'd probably walk away from our conversation with my knuckle prints on your forehead). A break from dirty diapers, Nick Jr, settling disagreements over who is the real princess of our house and whether or not wearing shorts vs skirts makes someone a boy. A break from making 3 meals a day, brushing 4 sets of teeth twice a day, and reading the favorite books sometimes 5 times a day. A break from unmatched socks, missing mates of shoes, mis-matched earrings and barrettes (how ever you spell those crazy things), and general chaos. A break from... I'm sure you catch my drift... This morning I've already said "Don't put your feet on your sister's face" more than once! I've also let them eat 3 marshmallows apiece because I was already sick of arguing and it was only 830am. Mother of the Year Award?!? Highly unlikely!
All of that, to say this, a break is NOT what I need. I mean, I do enjoy some time alone, or with my friends, but in the end... I come back to snarled hair and kool-aid smiles... and (I'll say it!) I'm immediately right back to where I started. It's not like I suddenly grow patience and don't have a problem answering the same question for the 12th time in 30 minutes. I don't morph into a mom that enjoys scrubbing smashed spaghettio's out of carpet.
Unfortunately I think quite the opposite occurs for me. I find myself wishing the 4 hours with my friends was more like 4 years! I seem to get more easily exasperated. I find myself closer to my wits end, more quickly. It's like I've gotten a taste of freedom and I want it permanently!
Please don't get me wrong... I love my life. I love my girls and my husband. I just have these moments, err, these hours, that I feel overwhelmed, over-stressed, and over-stimulated by toddler activities.
Today is one of those moments.
A weekend of fun, sunshine, relaxation, brings me back to watching Little Bear, filling sippy cups, changing diapers and wishing Miko didn't have to go back to work.
And it hits me... I miss the closeness to home. I miss the random friend drop-ins, the family right around the corner to help out, the possibility of a break any day, instead of having to schedule things... We'll get there... Eventually.
Today, I'll focus on patience and laundry. There's always the laundry.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Day #43 - Am I a Quitter?
Okay, so I made it through day 3 of P90X. I was so sore, I could barely move, so I decided to take a day off... plus I had heard that the yoga dvd was miserable and that's what was next for me... That evening, I had a long talk with an awesome friend who had some pretty poignant questions.
Q - What is my motive with this new workout? Am I trying to "bulk up" or merely tone and get in shape?
A - Tone. I don't need super muscles... not that I think I'd get them anyway
Q - What is the point of going so big then? As in... Why P90X when I've never worked out a day in my life?
A - No idea. It sounded like the thing to do?
Q - What about trying something that I can actually complete, instead of laying in the fetal position on the floor for 10 minutes right in the middle of the workout?
A - Grand idea! Wish I could say I was smart enough to come up with it on my own...
Q - Ever heard of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred?
A - Yes, and I may be able to get my hands on it fairly easily... on Sunday.
Q - You do realize that if you quit P90X now, you haven't failed? You're doing the smart thing by doing something that you're more capable of...
A - Yet to be determined... because I sure feel like I've failed. I guess I have for sure quit, which would make me a quitter.
So, that's the new plan. I'm going to try something a bit different first. Try to get in shape a little before I try to get in shape a lottle.
I guess it all makes sense. Why go from doing nothing, to working out full bore, 7 days a week, in the most extreme way possible... when I can ease into it... Right?
Am I crazy?
Did she sweet talk me into quitting?
Hello?
Anyone out there?
Did I totally disappoint you guys?
I sure hope not.
I feel at peace with my decision. Stay tuned...
Blessings.
431. Real talk
432. A weekend with no plans
433. A clean house
434. An hour long nap yesterday
435. Craft time today with my big girls
436. Spring Break!!
437. Being led by the Holy Spirit
438. Heart to heart with Miko
439. Holy Week
440. Always remembering the sacrifice of Jesus
Q - What is my motive with this new workout? Am I trying to "bulk up" or merely tone and get in shape?
A - Tone. I don't need super muscles... not that I think I'd get them anyway
Q - What is the point of going so big then? As in... Why P90X when I've never worked out a day in my life?
A - No idea. It sounded like the thing to do?
Q - What about trying something that I can actually complete, instead of laying in the fetal position on the floor for 10 minutes right in the middle of the workout?
A - Grand idea! Wish I could say I was smart enough to come up with it on my own...
Q - Ever heard of Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred?
A - Yes, and I may be able to get my hands on it fairly easily... on Sunday.
Q - You do realize that if you quit P90X now, you haven't failed? You're doing the smart thing by doing something that you're more capable of...
A - Yet to be determined... because I sure feel like I've failed. I guess I have for sure quit, which would make me a quitter.
So, that's the new plan. I'm going to try something a bit different first. Try to get in shape a little before I try to get in shape a lottle.
I guess it all makes sense. Why go from doing nothing, to working out full bore, 7 days a week, in the most extreme way possible... when I can ease into it... Right?
Am I crazy?
Did she sweet talk me into quitting?
Hello?
Anyone out there?
Did I totally disappoint you guys?
I sure hope not.
I feel at peace with my decision. Stay tuned...
Blessings.
431. Real talk
432. A weekend with no plans
433. A clean house
434. An hour long nap yesterday
435. Craft time today with my big girls
436. Spring Break!!
437. Being led by the Holy Spirit
438. Heart to heart with Miko
439. Holy Week
440. Always remembering the sacrifice of Jesus
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Day #42 - day 2
Okay... I've been a bit apprehensive about posting this, but I'm gonna go for it. Rip it off like a bandaid, right?
Yesterday I started working out.
Well, actually 2 weeks ago, Monday, I attempted and failed.
A week of griping, complaining, whining that I can't do it, motivated me to try again.
So try again I shall, and am.
Which brings me to this post.
I've realized that I was afraid to tell anyone what I was doing, for fear if I failed, I'd look ridiculous.
Instead, I should look at this as part of my testimony (thanks Patti).
I'm going to give it my best, and hopefully after these 90 days of busting my butt, I'll have something to show for it. I mean I WILL have something to show for it. At least I BETTER!
Yesterday was not easy. Today has been rough and I haven't even worked out yet. I have sore muscles that I didn't even realize owned! But at 2pm today, I'm starting day #2.
I've never worked out 2 days in a row before, ever. But years and babies and pounds later, I need to.
I need to feel good about myself for me, and my husband, and my kiddos. That's all super important... but more than that... I need to take care of this body God has given me.
Pray for me. Today at 2pm especially.
-S
Blessings
421. Borrowed p90x dvds
422. Great friends to support me
423. Kate cheering me on as I attempted a push up
424. A summer to look forward to
425. Exciting new things on the horizon
426. Lauren belly laughing as I typed this
427. Grilled out dinners 3 nights in a row
428. A new lawnmower
429. Weeded flowerbeds
430. Possible visitor this weekend
Yesterday I started working out.
Well, actually 2 weeks ago, Monday, I attempted and failed.
A week of griping, complaining, whining that I can't do it, motivated me to try again.
So try again I shall, and am.
Which brings me to this post.
I've realized that I was afraid to tell anyone what I was doing, for fear if I failed, I'd look ridiculous.
Instead, I should look at this as part of my testimony (thanks Patti).
I'm going to give it my best, and hopefully after these 90 days of busting my butt, I'll have something to show for it. I mean I WILL have something to show for it. At least I BETTER!
Yesterday was not easy. Today has been rough and I haven't even worked out yet. I have sore muscles that I didn't even realize owned! But at 2pm today, I'm starting day #2.
I've never worked out 2 days in a row before, ever. But years and babies and pounds later, I need to.
I need to feel good about myself for me, and my husband, and my kiddos. That's all super important... but more than that... I need to take care of this body God has given me.
Pray for me. Today at 2pm especially.
-S
Blessings
421. Borrowed p90x dvds
422. Great friends to support me
423. Kate cheering me on as I attempted a push up
424. A summer to look forward to
425. Exciting new things on the horizon
426. Lauren belly laughing as I typed this
427. Grilled out dinners 3 nights in a row
428. A new lawnmower
429. Weeded flowerbeds
430. Possible visitor this weekend
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Day #41 - Habits
Our sermon at church today was about habits... Good and bad. We obviously have the habit to be in God's Word, to be prayerful, at church on Sunday. Pastor wanted us to realize that this should be a daily, all the time, thing.
I can say that I pray way more often than I ever have. I have learned to at least think about God before I make a big decision or say something ridiculous. I'm working on being the wife, and mother, that the Bible teaches me to be.
Even with all that... I'm strides behind where I'd like to be.
I want to leave everything up to God and place everything in His hands, but when He doesn't do things exactly the way I want them done I grow frustrated. When I feel like we're being led in a certain direction, but then things don't work out as quickly as I'd like, I get angry. When people that I love hurt, I have a tendency to want to fix it without consulting Him.
My habit is to gripe, grumble, complain, decide "I'll do it myself".
Our Old Testament reading today was from Numbers. In looking at Michael's bible tonight, it offers this "theme and message":
It's human nature to want more, to voice our gripes, to complain away. We are all sinful beings. But those, those are all bad habits.
Even in my personal time of repentance this morning in church, my selfishness showed through...
I have a plan for my week. I'm going to focus on forming more good habits. I've made a decision to start my day in prayer and end it the same way. I'm going to pray every time I get into my car to go somewhere and every time I reach my destination. I want to thank God for my trials and for my conquests.
It's the least I can do.
He's got enough to worry about without my whining.
Blessings
401. A healthy family
402. Grilling out yesterday in the marvelous weather
403. Our girls reciting the Old Testament books of the Bible with their Sunday school classes at church today
404. Time for personal repentance and absolution
405. God's forgiveness
406. Our church home
407. A "different" type of service this morning
408. Exploring all parts of the Lutheran Service Book
409. Knowing I am never alone
410. Girl Scout cookies from outside of Walmart
411. Our well-behaved girls at a packed Wendy's
412. A quiet evening with Madeline
413. Our one mile walk
414. Sweating while outdoors in March
415. Miko taking the 2 big girls fishing
416. Lauren's first fish
417. The excitement they showed when they got home
418. Miko's patience in taking both of them
419. All 3 of them looking forward to the next fishing trip
420. Tired girls after their baths, ready for bed
I can say that I pray way more often than I ever have. I have learned to at least think about God before I make a big decision or say something ridiculous. I'm working on being the wife, and mother, that the Bible teaches me to be.
Even with all that... I'm strides behind where I'd like to be.
I want to leave everything up to God and place everything in His hands, but when He doesn't do things exactly the way I want them done I grow frustrated. When I feel like we're being led in a certain direction, but then things don't work out as quickly as I'd like, I get angry. When people that I love hurt, I have a tendency to want to fix it without consulting Him.
My habit is to gripe, grumble, complain, decide "I'll do it myself".
Our Old Testament reading today was from Numbers. In looking at Michael's bible tonight, it offers this "theme and message":
Numbers relates the story of Israel's journey from Mount Sinai to the plains of Moab on the border of Canaan. It tells of the murmuring and rebellion of God's people and of their subsequent judgment. They were condemned to live out their lives in the desert; only their children would enjoy the fulfillment of the promise that had originally been theirs. Throughout the years in the desert, one thing became clear to Israel -- God's constant care for them. Not only did he meet their needs, but he also loved and forgave his people continually. (emphasis in blue mine)
Even in my personal time of repentance this morning in church, my selfishness showed through...
I have a plan for my week. I'm going to focus on forming more good habits. I've made a decision to start my day in prayer and end it the same way. I'm going to pray every time I get into my car to go somewhere and every time I reach my destination. I want to thank God for my trials and for my conquests.
It's the least I can do.
He's got enough to worry about without my whining.
Blessings
401. A healthy family
402. Grilling out yesterday in the marvelous weather
403. Our girls reciting the Old Testament books of the Bible with their Sunday school classes at church today
404. Time for personal repentance and absolution
405. God's forgiveness
406. Our church home
407. A "different" type of service this morning
408. Exploring all parts of the Lutheran Service Book
409. Knowing I am never alone
410. Girl Scout cookies from outside of Walmart
411. Our well-behaved girls at a packed Wendy's
412. A quiet evening with Madeline
413. Our one mile walk
414. Sweating while outdoors in March
415. Miko taking the 2 big girls fishing
416. Lauren's first fish
417. The excitement they showed when they got home
418. Miko's patience in taking both of them
419. All 3 of them looking forward to the next fishing trip
420. Tired girls after their baths, ready for bed
Friday, March 16, 2012
Day #40 - Something out of Nothing
I don't have a lot to say tonight... but I feel like I have to say something. I haven't posted in awhile and it's bugging me...
There are things that I could go into, but because I'm not sure who reads this, I won't (at least not tonight). There are topics that I have plenty to say about, but because I have a headache that keeps on keeping on, I won't (at least not tonight).
Instead, I'll just give a run down --
We're having unseasonably warm weather, and I'm LOVING it! All 3 of the girls have been outside enjoying the sunshine. It's pretty awesome to see them playing together and laughing. I'm so excited for what this summer means to us. We have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for.
Kate, Lauren and Madeline were all baptized this last Sunday. It was a beautiful day. The girls totally cooperated. Awesome! We then had a houseful of people here for lunch, which turned into dinner as we all watched the MSU basketball team win the Big Ten title. It was a wonderful day!
Kate is still really enjoying preschool. We had our first parent/teacher conference and that went pretty well. She is very shy and doesn't talk very often, but her teacher is thinking she will outgrow that. She's a smart little girl. Such a blessing. I had the privilege of staying overnight in a sleep lab with her a couple of weeks ago (sense the sarcasm in privilege?). Her test came back positive for sleep apnea, so we have surgery scheduled to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. Poor little monkey. I'm sure she'll be a trooper though.
Lauren is blossoming as well. She's always cracking us up with her wild comments and actress-like moves. She's so animated and clever. She also seems to be testing limits and boundaries to see who is in charge. We're going through some growing pains in that area, but I'm sure we'll power through. We took Lauren and Kate to their first movie this past Tuesday. Lauren's nickname is Lorax (as in the book) and has been for quite some time... Now that the movie is out, we decided (with some coaxing from a friend) to take the girls. They had a BLAST! And I have to admit, Michael and I had just as much fun, if not more. If you haven't taken a little one to the movies, I highly recommend it. It's pretty exciting.
Madeline is crazy, crazy fun, but still crazy. She's really talking and developing so quickly. Her favorite phrase is "all done too" and she's always giving kisses and "ugs" (hugs). We went to the park this week and discovered that she's a total dare devil. She loved the swings, but loved the slides even more. She was up with the big girls on the twirly slide even. The bigger and faster the better. She's gonna be hilarious as she gets older. We have been experimenting with taking her into church services now and then... It doesn't always go well... She seems to be a fairly independent little girl.
Michael is still working of course. He has also become a trustee at church and recently an usher. He will actually usher this weekend again and was saying this will be the third weekend in a row that he's worn a suit to church...lol! He's such a wonderful daddy to our little girls. I'm so lucky to have him... and one day I know they'll realize how lucky they are too. We have been planning a lot for future changes. More on that to come.
I am still in my Thursday morning bible study, and enjoying that. I'm learning so much as we work through this study. It's an actual bible study, not so much a book study as I have done in the past. I also recently attempted P90X. It lasted one day, for 20 minutes. I'm not very proud of that, but plan to start back up on Monday. I'm not real happy with the way I look right now and need to do something about that. Wish me luck!
I think I've covered most everything... Everything I want to at this point anyway... And probably bored people to near coma... Sorry... This silly headache is not leaving me feeling very creative in the writing department.
18 minutes until my Spartans play basketball tonight.
Blessings
391. Strong willed independent children
392. A strong willed independent husband
393. Good food and fellowship over the weekend
394. The blessing of baptism
395. Sharing my home with family and friends
396. Lack of sleep due to 2 girls that want to sleep with mommy
397. Girls that can behave long enough for me to snooze for 30 minutes this afternoon
398. Good telephone conversations with good friends
399. Sitting here at 905pm on March 16th listening to the crickets with all the windows open
400. The beautiful forecast for tomorrow
There are things that I could go into, but because I'm not sure who reads this, I won't (at least not tonight). There are topics that I have plenty to say about, but because I have a headache that keeps on keeping on, I won't (at least not tonight).
Instead, I'll just give a run down --
We're having unseasonably warm weather, and I'm LOVING it! All 3 of the girls have been outside enjoying the sunshine. It's pretty awesome to see them playing together and laughing. I'm so excited for what this summer means to us. We have so much to look forward to and so much to be grateful for.
Kate, Lauren and Madeline were all baptized this last Sunday. It was a beautiful day. The girls totally cooperated. Awesome! We then had a houseful of people here for lunch, which turned into dinner as we all watched the MSU basketball team win the Big Ten title. It was a wonderful day!
Kate is still really enjoying preschool. We had our first parent/teacher conference and that went pretty well. She is very shy and doesn't talk very often, but her teacher is thinking she will outgrow that. She's a smart little girl. Such a blessing. I had the privilege of staying overnight in a sleep lab with her a couple of weeks ago (sense the sarcasm in privilege?). Her test came back positive for sleep apnea, so we have surgery scheduled to have her tonsils and adenoids removed. Poor little monkey. I'm sure she'll be a trooper though.
Lauren is blossoming as well. She's always cracking us up with her wild comments and actress-like moves. She's so animated and clever. She also seems to be testing limits and boundaries to see who is in charge. We're going through some growing pains in that area, but I'm sure we'll power through. We took Lauren and Kate to their first movie this past Tuesday. Lauren's nickname is Lorax (as in the book) and has been for quite some time... Now that the movie is out, we decided (with some coaxing from a friend) to take the girls. They had a BLAST! And I have to admit, Michael and I had just as much fun, if not more. If you haven't taken a little one to the movies, I highly recommend it. It's pretty exciting.
Madeline is crazy, crazy fun, but still crazy. She's really talking and developing so quickly. Her favorite phrase is "all done too" and she's always giving kisses and "ugs" (hugs). We went to the park this week and discovered that she's a total dare devil. She loved the swings, but loved the slides even more. She was up with the big girls on the twirly slide even. The bigger and faster the better. She's gonna be hilarious as she gets older. We have been experimenting with taking her into church services now and then... It doesn't always go well... She seems to be a fairly independent little girl.
Michael is still working of course. He has also become a trustee at church and recently an usher. He will actually usher this weekend again and was saying this will be the third weekend in a row that he's worn a suit to church...lol! He's such a wonderful daddy to our little girls. I'm so lucky to have him... and one day I know they'll realize how lucky they are too. We have been planning a lot for future changes. More on that to come.
I am still in my Thursday morning bible study, and enjoying that. I'm learning so much as we work through this study. It's an actual bible study, not so much a book study as I have done in the past. I also recently attempted P90X. It lasted one day, for 20 minutes. I'm not very proud of that, but plan to start back up on Monday. I'm not real happy with the way I look right now and need to do something about that. Wish me luck!
I think I've covered most everything... Everything I want to at this point anyway... And probably bored people to near coma... Sorry... This silly headache is not leaving me feeling very creative in the writing department.
18 minutes until my Spartans play basketball tonight.
Blessings
391. Strong willed independent children
392. A strong willed independent husband
393. Good food and fellowship over the weekend
394. The blessing of baptism
395. Sharing my home with family and friends
396. Lack of sleep due to 2 girls that want to sleep with mommy
397. Girls that can behave long enough for me to snooze for 30 minutes this afternoon
398. Good telephone conversations with good friends
399. Sitting here at 905pm on March 16th listening to the crickets with all the windows open
400. The beautiful forecast for tomorrow
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Day #39 - Another birthday
We celebrated another birthday in our house... Kate turned 5!!! I can not believe it!!!!! This whirlwind of a life is just flying by.
There are days that I really wish would hurry up and pass. Days when I've had 3 girls in time-out more than they've been out. Days when I've lost my cool and come to them apologizing for yelling. Days when I swear that the dirty dishes (and dirty laundry) will never end. Days of waiting for life to "just get on with it already", and leave me feeling more settled. Days that contentment has alluded me and depression seems to take over.
Then there are the other days. The days that, thankfully, I seem to be experiencing more and more often. Days that the girls play wonderfully together for hours while I fold laundry and actually get it put away where it belongs. Days that I get extra hugs and kisses and hear "You're the best mommy, EVER!". Days that the sun shines, the birds sing, and smiles are plentiful in our home. Days that Michael and I just sync and everything seems to fall into place. Days that meals are eaten, messes are cleaned up, screaming is minimal.
And as another birthday comes and goes - I realize that I really need to focus on those good days. I need to treasure the moments of adorable toddler- and preschool-ness that will only exist for a little bit longer. The days of diapers and bottles are quickly leaving me (not that I'm griping about that) and are being traded for barbies, and sequins, and lipstick (chapstick).
My girls are my testimony, my legacy, and they're amazing. They're little balls of wonder and thoughtfulness and beauty... Even when they're beating on each other, screaming, and fighting... ;-)
Blessings
381. Kate
382. Lauren
383. Madeline
384. Michael
385. Haircuts for the girls today
386. Sunshine!
387. Quiet alone time for Kate and I tonight
388. An amazing husband that has arranged his work schedule tomorrow to accommodate Kate's sleep study tonight.
389. Awesome deals
390. A dressing room experience that didn't leave me in a cold sweat
There are days that I really wish would hurry up and pass. Days when I've had 3 girls in time-out more than they've been out. Days when I've lost my cool and come to them apologizing for yelling. Days when I swear that the dirty dishes (and dirty laundry) will never end. Days of waiting for life to "just get on with it already", and leave me feeling more settled. Days that contentment has alluded me and depression seems to take over.
Then there are the other days. The days that, thankfully, I seem to be experiencing more and more often. Days that the girls play wonderfully together for hours while I fold laundry and actually get it put away where it belongs. Days that I get extra hugs and kisses and hear "You're the best mommy, EVER!". Days that the sun shines, the birds sing, and smiles are plentiful in our home. Days that Michael and I just sync and everything seems to fall into place. Days that meals are eaten, messes are cleaned up, screaming is minimal.
And as another birthday comes and goes - I realize that I really need to focus on those good days. I need to treasure the moments of adorable toddler- and preschool-ness that will only exist for a little bit longer. The days of diapers and bottles are quickly leaving me (not that I'm griping about that) and are being traded for barbies, and sequins, and lipstick (chapstick).
My girls are my testimony, my legacy, and they're amazing. They're little balls of wonder and thoughtfulness and beauty... Even when they're beating on each other, screaming, and fighting... ;-)
Blessings
381. Kate
382. Lauren
383. Madeline
384. Michael
385. Haircuts for the girls today
386. Sunshine!
387. Quiet alone time for Kate and I tonight
388. An amazing husband that has arranged his work schedule tomorrow to accommodate Kate's sleep study tonight.
389. Awesome deals
390. A dressing room experience that didn't leave me in a cold sweat
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Day #38 - Hoping
The thing about hoping... you never know how hard it'll be if and when things don't work out the way you hoped.
So, I find myself saying I'm not excited, I'm not anticipating anything extraordinary, I'm content with however everything works out, no expectations.
And then, when things fall through, I find myself in tears on the sofa.
So much for not getting ahead of myself huh?!?
How do we keep our emotions from getting the best of us? How can I keep my head on my shoulders and not in the clouds? How do people handle let downs and keep constant faith?
I can say I know God is in control. I do KNOW that. I can say things happen in God's time, not ours, and KNOW that is TRUTH.
For some reason though, sometimes, those truths don't keep my emotions in check.
My hopes, dreams, wishes, prayers... when I feel like they're not being attended to, the way I want them to be... I'm real quick to cry and/or get angry...
Is it a learned thing? I mean, will I ever get to the point that I can just accept things the way they are, even if it's not the way I'd like?
Man - my morning devotional was good today - but after the phone call I just received and all these thoughts running around in my head, I need to reread it!
God's time, not My time.
I'll get there. Eventually. I hope.
Blessings
371. 3 little girls helping me clean the house today
372. Hearing them playing instead of cleaning
373. Catching up with an old friend
374. Text messaging
375. Music channels on tv keeping me motivated
376. Lenten supper and service last night
377. Wonderful sermon
378. A weekend ahead with no plans
379. A soon to be 5 year old
380. Looking forward to spring after our 52 degree day yesterday
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Day #37 - Friendships
Well I guess I’m not done talking writing about this friendship topic. Lucky you?!?
I feel like I have more to sort out. It isn’t specific to the “deletor” (lol at that word again – and actually, on that note, I’ve recently realized I’ve been more than deleted. I’m blocked. So she is actually a “blocker”.) But she definitely initiated this thought process. I’ll give credit where credit is due – although I don’t know that anyone would want to take credit for any of this crazy rambling… And in thinking about that, there is another friend that deserves some credit in all this friendship talk, but I haven’t talked to her about calling her out on my blog, so we’ll leave that alone for now ;0)
Anyhoo… More thinking has presented more questions. Joy!
If a tree falls in the forest and… oh… haha!... just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention!
What IS friendship? I mean, what has to happen for a friendship to exist? I thought I knew… but now looking over things, I don’t know that I really do.
Do friendships need monthly communication? Or weekly? Or even daily? What does that commnunication look like? Verbal, Text, even Facebook? Do you have to physically see someone to continue a friendship? If so, how often? Do your boundaries within a friendship have to be the same or can different expectations exist? Do boundaries eventually evolve into walls? Can assumptions create rifts and walls that are unnecessary?
What I’m starting to realize is – aha moment here! – my definition of friendship is different from others definitions and different for me depending on the friend involved. Make sense?
I think examples may help…
I have friends that I don’t talk to for months, but when we do talk, it’s like no time has passed. We pick right up where we left off. It works. I miss them at times, but things in our lives have changed, and I’m okay with that. Really, I have to be okay with that to stay on track and maintain that friendship, right?
I have friends I talk to almost daily. Some via phone, some via text, others via facebook (dreaded fb again!). These people I hardly ever see, in person. Again, it hasn’t always been that way, but it works now, for the most part.
I have friends that I actually see once or twice, or even three times, a week. Some of them are very close friends that I confide quite a bit in, and others are not. Some of those people I look forward to seeing and hearing their advice, and others… uh… not so much.
There are people that I consider myself “close with” that I hardly ever see. Some of those people are actually my first line of contact should anything catastrophic happen. A few of them, I don’t know what I’d do without. They’re great friends. And there are people that I see all the time that I don’t really even know. I share some common interests. We are at a similar spot in our lives. That has made us friends.
I know I’m kinda spinning in circles with all this talk right now – I guess I’m just trying to sort it out.
Because all of that leads me to this…
Can you be stay friends with someone whose “definition of friendship” is different?
If someone needs a weekly call, and I don’t have time for that right now – Can the friendship be maintained?
If I need to physically see a friend, to really know them, and we can’t figure out any time to make that happen – Can the friendship continue to grow?
If I have expectations of honesty and “real-ness” and someone doesn’t feel comfortable providing that all the time – Can real communication exist?
I think that the answers may be no.
And that kinda scares me…
Life changes. Things happen. People move. Children mature and grow and get involved in different activities. Seasons, stages, times all evolve… and relationships can evolve with them, or cease to exist…
I’m finding that some people are along for the ride, regardless of what else happens in my life. And some people may be quick to jump ship if things change for me.
I’m also finding that my feelings and views on friendship might need a little tweaking if I want to keep the friends I have. I’m willing to do some work, although I can’t budge on some of my sticking points. Call those boundaries, or walls, but they’re probably not budging.
Blessings
351. A fun filled weekend ahead
352. Time to sort my thoughts
353. Anticipation of seeing some old friends this weekend
354. A nice comment from a friend last night
355. A wonderful Ash Wednesday service at our church
356. Understanding people around us during Madeline’s lack of cooperation during the service
357. Fellowship over a soup and bread supper
358. An unexpected call from my sister-in-law
359. Words of advice and understanding (both ways)
360. The Lenten season
361. The unimaginable sacrifice of Our Father in giving us His Son
362. Growth in God
363. The order of creation
364. Michael’s “umbrella of protection”
365. Words of explanation that came to me during Bible study today
366. Laughter (again)
367. Smiles on my girls faces
368. A clean kitchen
369. Pizza night
370. Fish fry tomorrow night
Monday, February 20, 2012
Day #36 - Social Websites
It's been awhile since I've posted. Doesn't change the fact that I still have LOADS floating around in my mind... just a testament at how busy I've been.
First things first, Kate seems to be doing alright. We have a couple more appts scheduled, but I feel like the worst is behind us. I guess I'm trusting that she's going to be fine regardless of any test results.
So... back to my title... social websites... let me warn you, this may be a bit all over the place... I'm in the parking lot of Kate's school, listening to Wizard of Oz, and typing on my phone. Bare with me.
I guess I almost don't know where to start actually. I don't want to throw anyone specifically under the bus, but I'm sure feeling icky about a situation.
I'll begin with a question. When you delete a friend on Facebook, are you deleting them from your life? Okay maybe 2 questions. Is the act of deleting someone some sort of a silent statement? I guess I have questionS. Do you think, at the time, "I'll show them!!"? Am I the only one that wishes Facebook would notify you when you've been deleted? Ooh, or even better, that you got a message from the deletor (prob not even a word) with an explanation of why they chose to delete you? That could get pointed!
I've been deleted more times than I probably even know... and actually have done my share of deleting. When I came back to Facebook this time, my intention was to delete practically everyone. Instead, I chose to unsubscribe to most people. That way, they wouldn't assume I was upset or anything.
Anyway -- as you have probably gather -- I was deleted at some point over the weekend. I'm still perplexed over the whole mess -- as I'm sure you also can gather. I did send a text kind of asking for an explanation, although I'm actually not sure I need one. The point of me mentioning that? This was an actual "friend", not just some random Facebook friend/old classmate/3rd cousin twice removed. I was deleted by a bff.
And I will admit that we have not communicated a whole lot, like at all, in the past few months... and I did get an email Friday that I attempted to respond to Sunday, but I guess I was too late. I had already been deleted. Shoulda stayed home from the funeral I attended to email her back?!? I guess I wasn't in a huge hurry. I sure never expected to be written off...
Brings me to another question. Since when were friendships so easily disposed of that all it takes is a click of "delete", with no conversation, no consideration? Pretty sad state of affairs, if you ask me... and I know you didn't "ask", but I guess you care, if you're reading, right?!? ;-)
I'm of the belief that things happen for a reason. I think this friendship had reached its expiration date. Quite honestly, if my lack of response to 2 text messages and/or lack of a reply to an email within 24 hours is enough to send someone to the hills, I'm probably better off. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I need my friends. But I guess I'm at a stage in my life right now I can't do high maintenance. And more than that, I don't want to do high maintenance.
I need loving, supportive people in my life. People who aren't self-centered or dishonest. I need transparency, accountability, and trust.
Maybe that's too much to ask from some... but not from the good ones... and they know who they are...
Blessings
331. Deletions
332. Tossed salad on a Friday night
333. Seeing family on Saturday
334. Remembering what's truly important
335. Hugs and kisses from my late Grandma's brother and sisters
336. Hearing how I'm missed, and loved
337. Comments that my beautiful daughter looks like me
338. An impromptu meeting with the in-laws
339. Ronald McDonald in McDonald's
340. Watching Lauren light up while talking to him
341. Laughter from all the children
342. Sleeping babies on the way home from a full day
343. Day trips that allow us to sleep in our own beds at night
344. Realization that our church is important enough not to miss
345. A hug from an older church member, with the words "we sure missed you last week"
346. Hearing from someone else how amazing my hubby is with our girls
347. An afternoon nap
348. Spaghetti and meatballs
349. Meeting up with friends tonight
350. A busy week
First things first, Kate seems to be doing alright. We have a couple more appts scheduled, but I feel like the worst is behind us. I guess I'm trusting that she's going to be fine regardless of any test results.
So... back to my title... social websites... let me warn you, this may be a bit all over the place... I'm in the parking lot of Kate's school, listening to Wizard of Oz, and typing on my phone. Bare with me.
I guess I almost don't know where to start actually. I don't want to throw anyone specifically under the bus, but I'm sure feeling icky about a situation.
I'll begin with a question. When you delete a friend on Facebook, are you deleting them from your life? Okay maybe 2 questions. Is the act of deleting someone some sort of a silent statement? I guess I have questionS. Do you think, at the time, "I'll show them!!"? Am I the only one that wishes Facebook would notify you when you've been deleted? Ooh, or even better, that you got a message from the deletor (prob not even a word) with an explanation of why they chose to delete you? That could get pointed!
I've been deleted more times than I probably even know... and actually have done my share of deleting. When I came back to Facebook this time, my intention was to delete practically everyone. Instead, I chose to unsubscribe to most people. That way, they wouldn't assume I was upset or anything.
Anyway -- as you have probably gather -- I was deleted at some point over the weekend. I'm still perplexed over the whole mess -- as I'm sure you also can gather. I did send a text kind of asking for an explanation, although I'm actually not sure I need one. The point of me mentioning that? This was an actual "friend", not just some random Facebook friend/old classmate/3rd cousin twice removed. I was deleted by a bff.
And I will admit that we have not communicated a whole lot, like at all, in the past few months... and I did get an email Friday that I attempted to respond to Sunday, but I guess I was too late. I had already been deleted. Shoulda stayed home from the funeral I attended to email her back?!? I guess I wasn't in a huge hurry. I sure never expected to be written off...
Brings me to another question. Since when were friendships so easily disposed of that all it takes is a click of "delete", with no conversation, no consideration? Pretty sad state of affairs, if you ask me... and I know you didn't "ask", but I guess you care, if you're reading, right?!? ;-)
I'm of the belief that things happen for a reason. I think this friendship had reached its expiration date. Quite honestly, if my lack of response to 2 text messages and/or lack of a reply to an email within 24 hours is enough to send someone to the hills, I'm probably better off. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I need my friends. But I guess I'm at a stage in my life right now I can't do high maintenance. And more than that, I don't want to do high maintenance.
I need loving, supportive people in my life. People who aren't self-centered or dishonest. I need transparency, accountability, and trust.
Maybe that's too much to ask from some... but not from the good ones... and they know who they are...
Blessings
331. Deletions
332. Tossed salad on a Friday night
333. Seeing family on Saturday
334. Remembering what's truly important
335. Hugs and kisses from my late Grandma's brother and sisters
336. Hearing how I'm missed, and loved
337. Comments that my beautiful daughter looks like me
338. An impromptu meeting with the in-laws
339. Ronald McDonald in McDonald's
340. Watching Lauren light up while talking to him
341. Laughter from all the children
342. Sleeping babies on the way home from a full day
343. Day trips that allow us to sleep in our own beds at night
344. Realization that our church is important enough not to miss
345. A hug from an older church member, with the words "we sure missed you last week"
346. Hearing from someone else how amazing my hubby is with our girls
347. An afternoon nap
348. Spaghetti and meatballs
349. Meeting up with friends tonight
350. A busy week
Friday, February 3, 2012
Day #35 - Constant Change
I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately… and thru all of it, I’m realizing that I’m a creature of habit.
I enjoy a routine. It takes some work for me to “think outside the box”. I like normalcy, don’t crave drama or excitement day in and day out. I love my life – predictable, average. It may appear boring to some people, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.
When these daily hum-drum’s get disrupted, I have a tendency to get bit overwhelmed. And I have gotten better at coping with my anxiety attacks, but I still feel a definite strain.
Recently, things have been in kinda a state of general upheaval. Michael is experiencing some things at work (that I feel more comfortable talking about once things are more concrete), Lauren and Madeline both have stinkin’ pink eye (which throws my general schedule off because I need to keep them away from other children if at all possible) and Kate… Kate has some stuff going on herself. I will say this about her stuff – we could use all the prayers we can get – I’m taking her in for additional blood work on Monday.
How does that saying go? The only thing constant is change. Is that right? Because that’s sure how I’m feeling right now.
In thinking about all of it today, I found myself questioning “why everything all at once”? At times I wonder why I feel pushed to my limits. What lesson is to be learned in chaos, discontent and confusion?
I know I’m feeling stronger. I’m feeling more in control than I would’ve a year ago, or even 6 months ago, facing these things. Why?
There are things beyond my control. Things that a few years ago, dealing with, I would’ve been distraught leaving up to “fate”. What has changed?
Hurry up and wait. Ugh! Used to make me absolutely crazy!
And the old “things will happen exactly the way they’re supposed to…” used to drive me totally up a wall! I know it’s true now though. Know it beyond any shadow of a doubt.
What’s the common denominator? C’mon people. God. Of course, God!
He has His hand on all of this. No decisions will be made concerning our future without prayer. (my how things have changed…)
And maybe everything is happening at once so that I can really learn to depend on Him.
Blessings
321. The ability to cope
322. Accepting me, the way I am, anxiety and all
323. Allowing myself to show real emotion
324. Friends reaching out in prayer
325. A long last night, with not much sleep, but hours of cuddling with my MJ.
326. New adventures on the horizon
327. Trusting in Him
328. Prayers
329. My church family
330. Visitors this weekend
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Day #34 - And 4 Days In A Row
Woo hoo! And I'm on a roll!!!
Yesterday I got a ton of painting done. Today I took a break on that, so that I could get laundry caught up.
Ready for a confession?
Are you sitting down?
This might knock your socks off...
And if it does, leave those dirty socks at home!
Here it is... I HATE laundry! Oooooo! I said it, well, I typed it.
I'd clean toilets everyday forever, if it meant I'd never have to fold another shirt, pre-treat another stain, or match another sock.
I don't know that I can truly convey the disdain I have for laundering clothing. I abhor it. Despise everything about it.
It could be the lugging of baskets down two flights of stairs to wash and dry. And then the repeat of that trip up two flights to put them away. Or it could be the almost five years of having children who constantly dirty way more clothing than I ever thought possible. (& don't let me get started on the bin of missing socks on sizes newborn to 4 yrs. there shouldn't be this many shades of pink!)
But even with a main floor laundry and no children, I'm sure it'd still pile up... although with no children, I'd have a lot more money... maybe I could just buy new?
Am I onto something here?
Don't have kids, buy clothes!
Bahahaha!
See what happens when Michael falls asleep on the couch early?!?
This rambling is all his fault. I'm bored.
Blessings
311. It's almost Friday
312. An evening of shopping with my friends
313. Counting blessings that I haven't even experienced yet
314. The end of a bible study chapter
315. The beginning of another book
316. The 3 year journey to look forward to
317. Phenomenal women to experience it with
318. Spiritual growth
319. Watching others grow
320. Experiencing a-ha moments
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Day #33 - This Is Just A Test
I just installed a Blogger app on my phone... so I'm typing this, just to see how it works...
And as a side note, I got a TON done around my house today!!! I'm excited to see what tomorrow has to offer...
I'll try to attach pictures of the improvements.
;-)
Blessings
301. A semi-finished basement that I could sequester my children to today
302. A freshly painted hallway
303. One project behind me
304. My improved mood because I'm getting things done
305. A feeling of accomplishment 306. Plans with some friends Friday night
307. Another weekend at home with my little family
308. Relaxation
309. Madeline sleeping by 715 tonight
310. No tears when the bigger girls were tucked in at 8.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Day #32 - Is It Me?
Last night on the way home from meeting up with a friend for some chit-chat, I was flipping through channels on the radio. Now let me tell you, it’s not very often that I get the opportunity to “channel surf” on the radio. The vast majority of the time, as in most every single time, as in I can probably count on my one hand how often in the last 6 months it’s been any other way, I have company when I travel. That means, I’m listening to Christian radio… or a Disney DVD.
So as I scanned stations, I came across a Kenny Chesney song. And I turned it up. And then I turned it up louder. And then even louder. And I danced in my seat. And I sang at the top of my lungs. And I loved every. single. minute. of. it. It brought back some great memories. It caused a little longing for a vacation, in Mexico
It. Was. Me.
I’ve always been a big music fan. You name it, at one time or another, I’ve probably liked it. I’ve been to a ton of concerts, ranging from country to r & b to alternative to oldies. In fact, I’d say that music is my “thing”.
It really got me thinking… Have I lost sight of my “thing”?
I also really enjoy decorating. I like making my home look nice, while working with little to no money. That’s actually the part I like the best. Thrifty decorating is another one of my “things”. I love finding a deal, or better yet, a steal and making it my own. I enjoy painting furniture and turning it into something one of a kind that my family can get some use out of.
Michael and I purchased an entire bedroom set – headboard and footboard, tall dresser, and longer dresser with a mirror – all for $20 at a garage sale before we were married. It was HIDEOUS, but I sanded it, primed it, and painted it. It’s now yellow with pink polka dots and Kate absolutely loves it! It totally fits her too.
I love crafty, fun, artistic projects.
I also haven’t been doing much of any of that lately.
I know that having little children is just this season of my life… I know that one day I’ll look back and long to have these days back (or so I’ve been told)… And in no way do I wish this time away. I love my life with my toddlers. I love being a mommy.
But I also love me. I love singing to music at the top of my lungs. I love being covered in paint and looking back at something that was someone else’s trash that I’ve turned into a treasure.
I think I miss me… The old me… The fun, careless, free-spirited, worry-free me…
And I know that she’s not coming back to stay any time soon.
But I’d sure like her to visit more often.
Maybe I’ll start looking for some concert tickets.
Blessings
291. Alone time in the car
292. Music that can take me back
293. Music that can remind me of how far I’ve come
294. An entire grocery shopping trip with no children breakdowns
295. Breakfast for dinner
296. 3 bathed baby girls
297. Constant change
298. Predictability
299. The little things
300. Reminders of God’s greatness in my children’s eyes
Monday, January 23, 2012
Day #31 - Thoughts
Well, it’s been awhile… I guess I’ve been busy, although I’m not completely sure what I’ve been busy with…
I had thought about blogging a few times, just never really got around to it.
I thought about talking about how this seems to have gotten so negative, and I want to focus on positive for a change. That was a thought anyway.
I thought about blogging about the ever-evolving friendships in my life. They seem to be stretching, and moving, and changing. Another thought, maybe for another time.
I thought about writing about extended family influence in my little “at home family”. I have things to say about the outside stresses of siblings and parents and what seems to be too many opinions often and what can happen in my world because of all that. Another fleeting thought.
I thought about saying something about sickness and illness and even death, because that has been on the forefront of my thoughts lately… but because of my first thought of steering away from negative for awhile, I quickly changed that plan.
I thought about documenting my thoughts regarding the recent “semi-diagnosis” of hypoglycemia in my oldest… And what a tailspin I went into, quickly I might add, when thinking about the garbage that I have allowed my children (and myself and Michael) to consume as of late. Ugh. Boo.
I’ve had thoughts about years passing, and seasons changing, and losing time you’ll never get back… Probably due to the celebration of Lauren’s birthday… She’s 3 now! I still can’t believe it! But then, I thought better of that.
So I guess what I’ve decided, is to post this for now… And then I’ll think some more on these topics… And come up with future blogs with some of them.
Blessings
281. Birthday celebrations for an excited now 3 year old
282. Heart shaped, sprinkle covered, pink colored, strawberry flavored, birthday cakes
283. The toughness of my 4 year old when getting blood drawn and now her twice daily finger pricks
284. Wonderful phlebotomist that handled Kate so gently
285. Super nursing staff dealing with a scared little girl and her scared mommy
286. My hubby’s patience
287. And his understanding
288. And his reassurance
289. Madeline using the “poppy” chair
290. Developing personalities
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day #30 - Got me thinking...
A conversation with a friend today got me thinking...
Why do I blog?
What purpose does it serve?
Do I do it for others? Or for myself?
Do I want input or feedback? Or do I really not care?
Do people check up on me because they're interested in what's going on in my life? Or to have a good laugh? Or to judge?
Does blogging help me to lay things out so that I don't have so much floating aroud in my head? Or do I do it because I want people to see that I have so much floating around in my head?
Here's what I'm trying to get at... If I am doing this for the reason's I have told myself, why do my stats matter? Why do I check to see how many page views I've had? What difference does it make that yesterday I had 35 page views, but still only have 11 followers and not a single comment at all?? Why do I keep noticing that the only people to comment are my mother, and a friend that I talk to every day? (I mean, come on, those people know that i'm nuts - they don't need to read this to verify my cooky-ness)
What's the reason behind all of this??? And if I continue to drive myself bonkers trying to figure out who's reading what, and blocking idiots, and feeling crappy that no one comments, and missing the days that I had a ton of traffic due to facebook... does it even make sense to write publicly?
I started this as an online journal of sorts. I thought it would be interesting to look back at what was happening in my life, years down the road. But has it morphed into an unhealthy outlet like facebook did?
UGH! Why do I think so much???!!??
Maybe I need a job...
Blessings
261. Kate coming out of her shell and participating in preschool
262. Madeline's new favorite word "Poppy"
263. Lauren being 16 days away from 3 years old
264. Reminders to cherish the time with loved ones
265. True friendships
266. Real feelings
267. Michael finally coming home today
268. The look on his face when the girls ran to him
269. The excitement in my babies when they saw their daddy
270. Surprise lunch at Subway
271. Getting back into our routine
272. Red paint
273. A weekend ahead with no plans
274. Smashed popcorn when I just put the vacuum away
275. Jan 5th and no snow
276. 40 degree days in January
277. Clean sheets
278. Clean towels
279. Homemade chicken noodle soup
280. Good conversations
Why do I blog?
What purpose does it serve?
Do I do it for others? Or for myself?
Do I want input or feedback? Or do I really not care?
Do people check up on me because they're interested in what's going on in my life? Or to have a good laugh? Or to judge?
Does blogging help me to lay things out so that I don't have so much floating aroud in my head? Or do I do it because I want people to see that I have so much floating around in my head?
Here's what I'm trying to get at... If I am doing this for the reason's I have told myself, why do my stats matter? Why do I check to see how many page views I've had? What difference does it make that yesterday I had 35 page views, but still only have 11 followers and not a single comment at all?? Why do I keep noticing that the only people to comment are my mother, and a friend that I talk to every day? (I mean, come on, those people know that i'm nuts - they don't need to read this to verify my cooky-ness)
What's the reason behind all of this??? And if I continue to drive myself bonkers trying to figure out who's reading what, and blocking idiots, and feeling crappy that no one comments, and missing the days that I had a ton of traffic due to facebook... does it even make sense to write publicly?
I started this as an online journal of sorts. I thought it would be interesting to look back at what was happening in my life, years down the road. But has it morphed into an unhealthy outlet like facebook did?
UGH! Why do I think so much???!!??
Maybe I need a job...
Blessings
261. Kate coming out of her shell and participating in preschool
262. Madeline's new favorite word "Poppy"
263. Lauren being 16 days away from 3 years old
264. Reminders to cherish the time with loved ones
265. True friendships
266. Real feelings
267. Michael finally coming home today
268. The look on his face when the girls ran to him
269. The excitement in my babies when they saw their daddy
270. Surprise lunch at Subway
271. Getting back into our routine
272. Red paint
273. A weekend ahead with no plans
274. Smashed popcorn when I just put the vacuum away
275. Jan 5th and no snow
276. 40 degree days in January
277. Clean sheets
278. Clean towels
279. Homemade chicken noodle soup
280. Good conversations
Monday, January 2, 2012
Day #29 - Quiet Time
So… I’m a bit behind… Any blog that I would normally read already has “The Year in Review”. I think I might skip that.
I’ll do this instead.
Babble.
That’s something new, right? Hardly.
Its 826pm. My tree is down. All of our Christmas decorations are packed up and put away. My main floor is clean. The girls are in bed. And I’m alone… ugh… Michael left for Wisconsin at 5pm and I haven’t sat down until now…
We’ve come a long way. He doesn’t travel nearly as much as he used to. He doesn’t really travel barely ever.
It still stinks though.
He’s been gone for 3 ½ hours and I already miss him.
I have plenty to keep me busy… 3 girls for starters… But other projects I want to finish.
I have an end table that needs to be painted, a curtain for Kate’s room I need to finish sewing, a bedroom that desperately needs to be cleaned and possibly rearranged, a Lauren sign and a Madeline sign that I need to make, a basement floor to mop, a kitchen that we want to get painted, trim and doors in the basement that need to be painted too, a closet that needs to be organized, photo books that need to be completed and ordered, laundry (always!)… wow… I’m exhausted just thinking about all that!
He’s only going to be gone until Thursday… And it’s already Monday… No way am I getting all that done in this short amount of time…
I’ll get something accomplished though. I do have 3 evenings all to myself. TV all to myself too, which def doesn’t help. But I’ll stay on task.
I’m thinking about going to look for paint for the kitchen tomorrow. If I could get a jump on that, he’d be blown away.
As long as he doesn’t read this.
That’d ruin the surprise.
He doesn’t read this.
He wouldn’t know the website if you asked him.
And we know you won’t tell him…
Don’t we??
Blessings.
251. Amazing Christmas with an even more amazing family
252. Family pictures
253. The farm
254. Girls night out with my Mother-in-law and Sister-in-laws
255. A great Father-in-law to watch my kiddos
256. Ringing in the New Year with some fun friends
257. Actually making it to midnight for the first time in a real long time.
258. Not needing a babysitter because we have understanding friends that also have kids
259. Back to school routine to start back up tomorrow
260. Quiet evenings to myself
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