I emailed someone today and said, "God doesn't make mistakes." I believe this is the truth. The thing that you need to understand is, I don't know where that came from. I mean, sometimes things just "come to me". Not that I coined that saying, or that I have never heard it before, but I was in the middle of an email... and it came to me... It was fitting. I knew I was right. But it seriously came out of the clear blue.
And I know to anyone that isn't a Christian, this may sound a little fishy, or far-fetched, but I don't have any other way to explain it. The Holy Spirit moves in me, and things come out of my mouth, or through my fingers, from no where. I'm not saying that I'm not me when it happens, or it's some freaky weird supernatural crazy out of body experience. It's actually quite the opposite. It happens, I replay what I said (or what was written) and I realize those words came from somewhere else...
I love this blessing. And that is what I truly believe it is. A blessing from above.
I don't always know the right things to say, at the exact right time. I fumble over words often. I'm not as eloquent as I'd like. But I know what I know. I also know I have a lot more that I want to know. And that excites me.
In the same way that I feel like I'm being used to spread God's word, I also know when other people claim to be and truly are not. I've been told that is a spiritual gift. I do believe that, although there is some question in my mind about when I received that gift... Long story... And I can't get into all that until I do a bit more research.
I get a weird feeling... a shudder, maybe... a need, a yearn, to speak and stop the person... or even to get up and walk out of the room. I've been moved to tears, been upset enough to yell, been in a fit of a leg shake (that is almost funny - my leg just starts a jittering and I don't even realize it until someone looks at me like I'm nuts). Crazy enough, my Pastor just talked to my bible study group about this and said that he's been known to get hives. I'm glad I'm not to that point... crying is probably better than hives, ay?
So here I am. Stuck. Stuck because I've not done enough work. Ready to yell, and cry, and shudder, and in the middle of a leg shake (not really leg shaking - I'm just saying that for drama's sake) and I don't know scripture well enough to know why this is happening to me. I know someone is not speaking the truth. I know that beyond a shadow of any doubt. However, I don't know scripture well enough to refute it. UGH!!!
I worry about people. I worry that they're on a slippery slope. Headed down. Straight down.
You can't babble nonsense, say it’s God’s Word and call yourself a Christian. You can't quote scripture out of context and call yourself Holy. That's not how it works. You need to be sure. You need to understand. You need to study, and question, and read, before you start trying to teach. Just because you say you’re a Christian doesn’t make it so. Christianity is about more than that… And I’m real worried about the people that have done nothing, and suddenly believe they know everything... People that I care about...
Keep praying!
Blessings:
151. Patience
152. Judgment
153. My spiritual gift
154. A wonderful Thanksgiving week with my family
155. Babysitters
156. The upcoming Christmas holiday
157. A warm house tonight during the first snow storm of the season
158. Our full calendar
159. Words of wisdom
160. Prayers with my husband in the morning
161. My girls mastering the Lord's Prayer
162. Learning the 10 Commandments
163. A hardworking husband
164. Grilled cheese and tomato soup on this chilly evening
165. A glass of wine in the evening
166. Or 2...
167. God's tests
168. Mercy
169. Forgiveness
170. A renewed love
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Day #21 - Love thy neighbor...
I'm learning that the more I learn, the more I have to learn... Probably something that a lot of people figured out earlier in life than I have... Oh well, I'm getting there right?
I'm struggling with some stuff tonight. I know, after all the positives I had last post... Welcome to my life. Feel sorry for my poor husband.
Proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
Oh boy... Oh boy oh boy... I'm stumbling on this.
First, how do I identify my enemy?? Is this just someone I dislike? People that try to harm me, or harm the people I care about? How about all of the above? For argument's sake, we'll go with that...
Second, in reading this, I realize I can’t take it literally... I mean, if the enemy in question is no where near me... Like across the state somewhere... I obviously can't take him, or her... okay, lets be real here, HER a sandwich and a glass of milk. On top of that, I wouldn't talk to her long enough to find out that she is hungry or thirsty. Ugh. I avoid any conversations at all costs. So we'll have to figure that it means be good, supportive, and helpful to our enemies. Yuck, right?
Third and the part I'm really struggling with - What if I just want to heap the burning coals on "his" head myself? I mean, literally. I know, I know, I'm terrible. But it's true, at times, well, really, most of the time.
I guess I need to concentrate on the end there... that the Lord will reward me... Wow.
Here's where I get really real. I really bombed tonight. I was attacked, and I came out with nails bared ready to lunge. Not literally, of course. (remember, she's too far away) But I was thoroughly ticked. This “enemy” is sick. I really do believe that. And she’s truly going out of her way to get under my skin in any way she can. I’m doing my best to distance myself from any contact with her… But she went so far as to seek out my blog. Yea, I had deleted her on silly Facebook, refrained from posting on her friend’s status updates, pictures, etc… And she found me on Blogger. Unbelievable. Truly. She made sure to comment, so that I knew she had found me. I was shocked. I don’t know why the fascination with me and what I have going on… But I guess that’s neither here nor there… So I deleted her comment, blocked her from viewing my blog, blocked anonymous comments from my blog, blocked her on FB, and sent her a text asking her to please refrain from contacting me. She was not done. It exploded from there. It spiraled out of control. And now, I’m kicking myself, while she’s probably enjoying a glass of wine and smiling at herself.
I’m sure that I played right into her hand… Dang it… I totally tried to heap the coals instead of giving her a slice of pizza and a beer. Dang Dang Dang it! And it really stings because she immediately reverts to insulting me and my Christianity. Saying how I don't practice what I preach. I'm a work in progress, YOU, enemy!!!
I guess I can take a bit of pride in realizing that at least this time, I remembered the scripture. I meditated on it. I was a little late. It would’ve been nice if it had popped into my little head before I freaked out and lost my marbles. But I DID remember the scripture!!! Baby steps right?
Blessings
141. The sickness leaving my house after a REAL long week of yuck
142. The beautiful weather today
143. Getting out of the house for a bit to do some shopping
144. My well behaved little girls in the horribly long line at Kohl’s
145. 3 sleeping babies when we pulled back in the driveway
146. The friendly neighbor that stopped in to let us know our dogs had run off to the next section over
147. My husband having a truck to bring the filthy animals home
148. Celebrating another MSU football victory
149. My hubby not working 3rd shift for at least a couple of weeks
150. Yummy potato soup
I'm struggling with some stuff tonight. I know, after all the positives I had last post... Welcome to my life. Feel sorry for my poor husband.
Proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.
Oh boy... Oh boy oh boy... I'm stumbling on this.
First, how do I identify my enemy?? Is this just someone I dislike? People that try to harm me, or harm the people I care about? How about all of the above? For argument's sake, we'll go with that...
Second, in reading this, I realize I can’t take it literally... I mean, if the enemy in question is no where near me... Like across the state somewhere... I obviously can't take him, or her... okay, lets be real here, HER a sandwich and a glass of milk. On top of that, I wouldn't talk to her long enough to find out that she is hungry or thirsty. Ugh. I avoid any conversations at all costs. So we'll have to figure that it means be good, supportive, and helpful to our enemies. Yuck, right?
Third and the part I'm really struggling with - What if I just want to heap the burning coals on "his" head myself? I mean, literally. I know, I know, I'm terrible. But it's true, at times, well, really, most of the time.
I guess I need to concentrate on the end there... that the Lord will reward me... Wow.
Here's where I get really real. I really bombed tonight. I was attacked, and I came out with nails bared ready to lunge. Not literally, of course. (remember, she's too far away) But I was thoroughly ticked. This “enemy” is sick. I really do believe that. And she’s truly going out of her way to get under my skin in any way she can. I’m doing my best to distance myself from any contact with her… But she went so far as to seek out my blog. Yea, I had deleted her on silly Facebook, refrained from posting on her friend’s status updates, pictures, etc… And she found me on Blogger. Unbelievable. Truly. She made sure to comment, so that I knew she had found me. I was shocked. I don’t know why the fascination with me and what I have going on… But I guess that’s neither here nor there… So I deleted her comment, blocked her from viewing my blog, blocked anonymous comments from my blog, blocked her on FB, and sent her a text asking her to please refrain from contacting me. She was not done. It exploded from there. It spiraled out of control. And now, I’m kicking myself, while she’s probably enjoying a glass of wine and smiling at herself.
I’m sure that I played right into her hand… Dang it… I totally tried to heap the coals instead of giving her a slice of pizza and a beer. Dang Dang Dang it! And it really stings because she immediately reverts to insulting me and my Christianity. Saying how I don't practice what I preach. I'm a work in progress, YOU, enemy!!!
I guess I can take a bit of pride in realizing that at least this time, I remembered the scripture. I meditated on it. I was a little late. It would’ve been nice if it had popped into my little head before I freaked out and lost my marbles. But I DID remember the scripture!!! Baby steps right?
Blessings
141. The sickness leaving my house after a REAL long week of yuck
142. The beautiful weather today
143. Getting out of the house for a bit to do some shopping
144. My well behaved little girls in the horribly long line at Kohl’s
145. 3 sleeping babies when we pulled back in the driveway
146. The friendly neighbor that stopped in to let us know our dogs had run off to the next section over
147. My husband having a truck to bring the filthy animals home
148. Celebrating another MSU football victory
149. My hubby not working 3rd shift for at least a couple of weeks
150. Yummy potato soup
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Day #20 - Time flies when...
I can not believe that it is November 8th already!!! Can. Not. Believe. It! I totally missed the entire month of September and October somehow... How does this happen!?! I don't feel like I've been real busy with anything out of the ordinary. I guess I need to try to make a more deliberate effort of blogging. I always feel so much better afterwards. (like I've purged my mind, and readied it for more of my endless nonsense? maybe???)
Well it IS November already, regardless of if I'm totally ready for it or not. We are coming into the holiday season, which is a wonderful (albeit fattening) time of the year.
The holiday calendar is already filling up, unbelievably quickly. While I am looking forward to spending time with family, and I thank God daily for giving me all the new opportunities and friendships I have... There is a part of me that wonders why I wished all the quiet, alone time away so quickly.
If you know me at all, you know that I can appreciate each season of my life... I say, "I can", because there are times that I seem to choose not to, or forget to, or just get so caught up in the future and what's to come, or the past and what used to be, that I fail to remember God's hand is on everything and in everything.
For the first time in my life though, I can honestly say, I am so content with this season... I'm happy with my little family. I love that God has blessed Michael and I with such beautiful, warm, fascinating little hearts to watch over. I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now - learning more of God's Word, staying at home with my phenominal little babies, being the best wife I know how to be to my amazing husband, actively participating in my new church family, and learning to be a good friend to some wonderful ladies in my life. I'm ok here. Finally. (can you hear my sigh of relief?)
I can't say that I don't still have my moments of insecurity. They come, but now they also pass. I can't say I don't have envy or jealousy still residing within me. It's there. I'm just learning to recognize it for what it is, and working hard to shut the devil and his lies out. There are things about "Stephanie" that I can't see ever totally changing... Although even in typing that, I realize that's reallllllll naive! God can perform miracles!!! I'm just along for the ride.
So my blessings this time -
127. A booked calendar
128. The weekends that aren't booked
129. Turkey dinners for the next three weekends (gobble gobble!)
130. My little brother's suddenly more frequent phone calls
131. The wonderfullness (is that a word?) of prayer
132. The new family devotionals we've been working on
133. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
134. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
135. The 2 weeks of vacation my husband receives effective December 1st.
136. Kate's improvement in preschool, and Sunday School
137. Lauren's new Sunday School class
138. Madeline's new found independence
139. Another successful Halloween experience
140. The great deal my husband got at the Hillsdale Auction on my new wagon wheels. Love them!
Well it IS November already, regardless of if I'm totally ready for it or not. We are coming into the holiday season, which is a wonderful (albeit fattening) time of the year.
The holiday calendar is already filling up, unbelievably quickly. While I am looking forward to spending time with family, and I thank God daily for giving me all the new opportunities and friendships I have... There is a part of me that wonders why I wished all the quiet, alone time away so quickly.
If you know me at all, you know that I can appreciate each season of my life... I say, "I can", because there are times that I seem to choose not to, or forget to, or just get so caught up in the future and what's to come, or the past and what used to be, that I fail to remember God's hand is on everything and in everything.
For the first time in my life though, I can honestly say, I am so content with this season... I'm happy with my little family. I love that God has blessed Michael and I with such beautiful, warm, fascinating little hearts to watch over. I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now - learning more of God's Word, staying at home with my phenominal little babies, being the best wife I know how to be to my amazing husband, actively participating in my new church family, and learning to be a good friend to some wonderful ladies in my life. I'm ok here. Finally. (can you hear my sigh of relief?)
I can't say that I don't still have my moments of insecurity. They come, but now they also pass. I can't say I don't have envy or jealousy still residing within me. It's there. I'm just learning to recognize it for what it is, and working hard to shut the devil and his lies out. There are things about "Stephanie" that I can't see ever totally changing... Although even in typing that, I realize that's reallllllll naive! God can perform miracles!!! I'm just along for the ride.
So my blessings this time -
127. A booked calendar
128. The weekends that aren't booked
129. Turkey dinners for the next three weekends (gobble gobble!)
130. My little brother's suddenly more frequent phone calls
131. The wonderfullness (is that a word?) of prayer
132. The new family devotionals we've been working on
133. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
134. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
135. The 2 weeks of vacation my husband receives effective December 1st.
136. Kate's improvement in preschool, and Sunday School
137. Lauren's new Sunday School class
138. Madeline's new found independence
139. Another successful Halloween experience
140. The great deal my husband got at the Hillsdale Auction on my new wagon wheels. Love them!
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