Day #28 - Just about sums it up

Wow!

So I stumbled across this quote...

"The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less." -Tim Keller, The Reason For God

Dead on!!! Wow! He nails it in 6 sentences when I posted an entire blog about it the other day. I'm thinking I must read this book!!!

Blessings
241. Healthy loved ones
242. Kate the budding artist
243. Lauren napping
244. Madeline with a red marker colored face
245. Appreciation of my life
246. A three day weekend with my husband
247. One wrapped present
248. Fed Ex deliveries
249. Decent traveling weather
250. Christmas cards

Day #27 - Expectations of Perfection

I realized something awhile back and it's come up again... So I'm thinking I need to talk myself/whoever reads this through it.

I'm finding it interesting that when I profess to be a Christian some people then expect me to be perfect. I've heard all kinds of things that reflect this thinking. Examples? Um, yea, I have a few...

"Oh that's real Christian of you Stephanie!"
"What does God have to say about that?"
"Is that how Christian's speak?"
"This coming from someone that says they're a Christian?!"
"You're more than just a work in progress..."

I could go on. I have additional examples, but in starting to add them, I realize they could become a complete blog posting by themselves... I'll stick to the expectations of perfection for this post.

Anyway... The funny thing is... Becoming a Christian does not mean that I have become perfect. Hardly! It actually means almost the opposite. Becoming a Christian means (at least to me) that I realize I'm not perfect. It means I realize that I am a sinner. I was born a sinner. There is nothing I can do about that. It means that I know that I'm going to make mistakes, all day long, every day. But it also means that because I know that Jesus Christ died for those sins I can repent, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. I can resolve to do better. I can work harder on the things that really matter in life.

Being a Christian does not mean I'm "holier than thou". I am nothing better, nothing worse, than I was yesterday, or will be tomorrow. I am studying. I am trying to learn more. I am working hard at trying not to make the same obvious mistakes time and time again. But as I've said in the past, the more I learn the more I realize I have to learn. And God has patience with me...

Being a Christian does not mean that I was born and raised in the church. It does not mean that my past is mistake free. It does mean (for me) that I can leave my past mistakes in the past. I have been forgiven, absolved. God forgives and FORGETS! He doesn't want me rehashing things again and again. His Grace is enough. His Blood is enough.

Being a Christian does not mean that I place myself, or any other Christian that I know, on any plataeu higher than anyone else. We are all equal. All of us. Just because someone doesn't believe the way I do doesn't mean that God isn't working in them or through them. God is in everyone and is everywhere. Period.

We start every Sunday morning in our church with an admission of what we know is true. We are sinners. We deserve punishment. But because God is so merciful, so graceful, so everything that we are not... He gave us His Son... And the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross covers us in forgiveness. It's difficult to understand, unfathomable actually. But it IS. And it's wonderful...

Here is what I know to be fact. FACT. Since Miko and I started becoming intentional in our worship, things have gotten easier in our lives. The days that we pray together in the morning, before we start our day, run smoother than the days I don't drag my lazy butt out of bed. Sunday's are our best days. We get the most done, we spend the most time together as a family, and our family unit seems to function better. St. Paul's has been a blessing for us, all of us.

That doesn't just "happen"... Something greater, someONE greater has His hand on this. And because that is a FACT, I can rest easier at night. Because He has His hand on me, I don't think I'm perfect, I know I'm not. Heck, if I was perfect, what would I need Him for??? Come on people!!!

Blessings

221. Sunday School Christmas Program today
222. My beauties in their dresses
223. Shopping with a bestie yesterday
224. Time children-free
225. Friday night fellowship
226. A real babysitter
227. No tears when we left the girls with the sitter
228. Being a better mommy after a little time away
229. Hugs and kisses because I was missed
230. A busy week behind us
231. No early morning commitments for 2 weeks
232. Christmas Eve menu planning with my mom
233. Kate's Christmas party at preschool
234. All the cute decorations she made and brought home
235. The presents she made for us and gave me immediately
236. Shipments from my online shopping
237. Cost effective Christmas this year
238. Really realizing what Christmas is truly about... finally
239. Newly installed door knobs in the basement
240. Snoring Miko in the chair next to me

Day #26 - Over Commited?

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about the commitments of life...

I am committed to being a follower of God, a wife, a mother, a member of our church, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, an in-law, an extended family member, a citizen, and even a home owner. I'm sure I've even missed a few...

If I just focus on what it means to be a committed wife (to my husband, because I'm sure it's different for different husbands) I can formulate another entire list of commitments. I'm committed to being his lover, his best friend, his cheerleader, his supporter, his confidant, his shoulder to lean on and ear to listen, the mother of his children, his meal preparer and laundry washer... and this list goes on and on...

Being a mother involves another lengthy list, as does sister, daughter, friend, and so on...

All these commitments are a lot of work. They include pleasurable activities, and some not so wonderful things. I'd say they're all gratifying, although in quite different ways (some days I'd probably never admit that at all).

All that to say this - the single most important commitment I have is to God. I am a hearer of His word. I am working on being a disciple of the truth. I am committed to worship, to prayer, to repentance, and to accepting His forgiveness.

Everything else is hard work... being a child of God is easy. It just IS. I'm not saying that it's always easier to do the right thing, or that I no longer struggle. I've actually found it to be quite the opposite as I've talked about before... But because I AM a child of God, because I'm committed to doing the right thing as often as I can, everything else is falling into place.

I still struggle with fleshy desires. I always will. But I'm committed to working through that. I know I'll fall down, but He will pick me back up. I can't be defeated. I can't be silenced. I'm off and running with all my new found knowledge because I have a new center. I have a new focus. And I am committed to God.

Blessings
211. New found commitments
212. This Advent season
213. Good conversation
214. Healthy debates
215. Acceptance
216. Appreciation
217. Acknowledgement
218. Grace
219. Mercy
220. Understanding

Day #25 - You just make do

Christmas shopping tomorrow... We hope to get it all done... With all 3 kids in tow. Should be interesting. Divide and conquer I guess.

This got me to thinking about how self-sufficient we have become. Not that we don't have people to lean on when we're really in a pinch, but Michael and I make do, with Michael and I. Date nights are non-existent. Quiet dinners are a thing of the past. Birthday and Christmas shopping has become a balancing act. Even visits to the restroom are no longer solo.

My little brother called tonight, excited about some business prospects, and asked what our plans were for this evening. I told him I was getting ready to go out to dinner. He asked where we were going... Well, I told him, we're going to Cottage Inn Pizza in Hillsdale. They have a play area for the kids, so Michael and I can have a little adult conversation before dinner arrives. Probably not "out for dinner" that my brother and his girlfriend experience. And actually, he said they were going to a movie tonight. Wow... A movie!?! It's been a long while since we've gone to a movie. But hey, this is our life.

And I wouldn't change it for anything!

It's been tough. I won't deny that. I've been sick and still had 3 babies to take care of. Michael has worked 3rd shift and had to try to sleep in the afternoon with screaming kids running through the house. There was the root canal/tooth infection fiasco, when I had my girls at the dentist office with me while they were drilling in my mouth. Kate and Lauren were at almost every one of my OB appts while I was pregnant for Madeline.

But we've powered through. And I even like to think that we're stronger because of it. I also know that I will never take any help for granted again.

It was quite a change going from living across the street from my mom to living in the middle of a field without any friends... It's tough to not have family close enough to help out.

But we've made friends. I have people that are totally willing to help me out now. Finally.

Now the twist has become - We're so used to doing it ourselves, it's strange to ask for help. We don't even think to drop the girls off somewhere, or ask someone to keep them for a few hours. That is now the "abnormal".

I think maybe we're just abnormal. ;-)

Blessings...
201. Pizza night
202. The beautiful big sister Kate is becoming
203. My 3 girls behaving at the restaurant and each eating a TON of pizza
204. The smiles we get walking through Walmart with 3 girls in our cart
205. Morning prayers with my amazing husband
206. God working in Miko's life
207. Advent dinner
208. Christian fellowship
209. Learning more and more about what God is calling us to do
210. Our girls and the 10 Commandments

Day #24 - Parking Lot Confessions

This post is actually from yesterday... I can't type on my blog from my phone, but I do have access to an app that allows me to journal. I don't think it's going to be continued effort, however. Typing an entire blog using one finger, on my tiny phone, just isn't working for me. I guess I need to take a book (the Bible???) or something when I have time to kill...

So here I am, sitting in the parking lot of Stadium Roller Skating. Lauren, Madeline and I are waiting for our Mommy and Me class to start. Normally, we'd wander through Walmart, or peruse Kroger. However, for the second time in less than a week, I forgot my wallet. So, here we sit. Thank goodness for my van's DVD player! Toy Story saves the day.

Today is my first day with no Facebook. Ugh. I have to admit, I'm struggling. Especially since I have nothing to do at the moment... silly wallet...

I know that I've made the right decision though. And I'm excited to see what develops from this change. Miko is thrilled. I swear he's 1/2 Amish or something! He's anti-social-media. Although now I think he may be onto something with that...

Me and my addictive personality will just suffer through the detox. I'm sure I'll  survive. And maybe my junk drawers won't be quite so junky, since I'll have time to organize. Maybe my laundry will be better caught up. Maybe my frazzled-ness will be lightened up. And maybe my girls will be happier with a Mommy that is plugged into them, instead of all the people she hasn't seen in years... a Mommy that has some time to color vs FB stalk...

I'm only anticipating great things. The people that were interested in my random thoughts, can follow me here... And hopefully email or comment... so that I'll feel kinda connected.

My blessings - I didn't get this far in typing yesterday...

181. Social Network Sites
182. The ability I have to realize when things have become a problem
183. My extra supportive friends that are along on this ride with me
184. My understanding family that puts up with my nonsense
185. The new projects I'll work on with my doll babies
186. Getting stuff done
187. Freshly laundered clothing
188. Clean closets
189. Random visits from family
190. Hugs
191. And kisses from my girls
192. Finger jello for my Star Student
193. Teaching the girls the songs for the Christmas Program at Church
194. The smiles on their faces as they learn
195. Singing at the top of our lungs
196. Loud music on the way to school in the morning
197. Madeline learning to dance
198. Much needed face time with my friends
199. Laughter
200. Making it to #200!!!!!!

I might be back later - Remember I have no facebook... So I have a lot more time to think... And quite a few ideas for posts floating around in this head of mine...

Day #23 - Being tested

1 Corinthians 10:12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

I'm stumbling. Seems like I start every post with something along those lines lately... Makes sense actually... Once you see where I'm headed.

I'm learning that the moment you think you've got something licked, you'll be tested in that area. The minute you think you have it figured out, or that something is not a problem in your life along comes the Devil ready to pounce and prove you wrong.

I'm experiencing this over and over and over and over lately. Seriously. And for some reason, although I know the truth, I still stumble over it and get hung up before getting back on course...

Examples? I was just writing, and telling people, how much my communication with my husband has improved. How I love where we're headed. How things have never been better. These things are all true. However, I just found out a new snippet of information that sent me for a tailspin. It's nothing over-the-top. Nothing I can't handle. But, I know it was a bigger deal to me because I was just going on and on about how wonderful things were. I got cut back down to size very quickly there.

Another? Friendships. Wowsa. Not too long ago I was commenting on how secure I am in my friendships. Ugh. Wish I woulda kept that to myself. Since then, I feel like I've been thrown under the bus by one friend. I've reached out repeatedly to someone else that says she needs friends, only to feel excluded by her countless times. I have "friends" that I have to be the one reaching out to all the time lately, or I feel like I wouldn't have any communication with them whatsoever... It's all exhausting, and silly, and I know that. But once again, another test. Gotcha there Satan. I can whip this one too.

I find myself wishing for easier days. Wanting everything to just be roses and rainbows and sunshine... That's not reality. The Bible says believers will be persecuted. There are going to be moments of weakness and woe-is-me. But I'm learning not to stay there. I don't need to reside in that ugly place of feeling sorry for myself.

I am a child of God. He died for my sins. I need to get back on my horse and keep riding.

Although I've felt kicked a few times lately, I will persevere.

171. Sunshine after the storm
172. White blanket of snow
173. Quiet time while the girls were out building a snowman
174. Warm winter jackets
175. Madeline finally leaving her hat on her head
176. 3 girls with 3 adorable haircuts
177. NYE plans for the first time in like 5 years
178. Pizza for dinner since I desperately need to grocery shop but forgot my purse at home today...
179. My beautiful friend that talks me down from the ledge almost daily
180. My amazing little brother who somehow knows to text me exactly what I need to hear, at the exact right moment

Day #22 - A lot to learn

I emailed someone today and said, "God doesn't make mistakes." I believe this is the truth. The thing that you need to understand is, I don't know where that came from. I mean, sometimes things just "come to me". Not that I coined that saying, or that I have never heard it before, but I was in the middle of an email... and it came to me... It was fitting. I knew I was right. But it seriously came out of the clear blue.

And I know to anyone that isn't a Christian, this may sound a little fishy, or far-fetched, but I don't have any other way to explain it. The Holy Spirit moves in me, and things come out of my mouth, or through my fingers, from no where. I'm not saying that I'm not me when it happens, or it's some freaky weird supernatural crazy out of body experience. It's actually quite the opposite. It happens, I replay what I said (or what was written) and I realize those words came from somewhere else...

I love this blessing. And that is what I truly believe it is. A blessing from above.

I don't always know the right things to say, at the exact right time. I fumble over words often. I'm not as eloquent as I'd like. But I know what I know. I also know I have a lot more that I want to know. And that excites me.

In the same way that I feel like I'm being used to spread God's word, I also know when other people claim to be and truly are not. I've been told that is a spiritual gift. I do believe that, although there is some question in my mind about when I received that gift... Long story... And I can't get into all that until I do a bit more research.

I get a weird feeling... a shudder, maybe... a need, a yearn, to speak and stop the person... or even to get up and walk out of the room. I've been moved to tears, been upset enough to yell, been in a fit of a leg shake (that is almost funny - my leg just starts a jittering and I don't even realize it until someone looks at me like I'm nuts). Crazy enough, my Pastor just talked to my bible study group about this and said that he's been known to get hives. I'm glad I'm not to that point... crying is probably better than hives, ay?

So here I am. Stuck. Stuck because I've not done enough work. Ready to yell, and cry, and shudder, and in the middle of a leg shake (not really leg shaking - I'm just saying that for drama's sake) and I don't know scripture well enough to know why this is happening to me. I know someone is not speaking the truth. I know that beyond a shadow of any doubt. However, I don't know scripture well enough to refute it. UGH!!!

I worry about people. I worry that they're on a slippery slope. Headed down. Straight down. 

You can't babble nonsense, say it’s God’s Word and call yourself a Christian. You can't quote scripture out of context and call yourself Holy. That's not how it works. You need to be sure. You need to understand. You need to study, and question, and read, before you start trying to teach. Just because you say you’re a Christian doesn’t make it so. Christianity is about more than that… And I’m real worried about the people that have done nothing, and suddenly believe they know everything... People that I care about...

Keep praying!

Blessings:

151. Patience
152. Judgment
153. My spiritual gift
154. A wonderful Thanksgiving week with my family
155. Babysitters
156. The upcoming Christmas holiday
157. A warm house tonight during the first snow storm of the season
158. Our full calendar
159. Words of wisdom
160. Prayers with my husband in the morning
161. My girls mastering the Lord's Prayer
162. Learning the 10 Commandments
163. A hardworking husband
164. Grilled cheese and tomato soup on this chilly evening
165. A glass of wine in the evening
166. Or 2...
167. God's tests
168. Mercy
169. Forgiveness
170. A renewed love

Day #21 - Love thy neighbor...

I'm learning that the more I learn, the more I have to learn... Probably something that a lot of people figured out earlier in life than I have... Oh well, I'm getting there right?

I'm struggling with some stuff tonight. I know, after all the positives I had last post... Welcome to my life. Feel sorry for my poor husband.

Proverbs 25:21-22 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you.

Oh boy... Oh boy oh boy... I'm stumbling on this. 

First, how do I identify my enemy?? Is this just someone I dislike? People that try to harm me, or harm the people I care about? How about all of the above? For argument's sake, we'll go with that...

Second, in reading this, I realize I can’t take it literally... I mean, if the enemy in question is no where near me... Like across the state somewhere... I obviously can't take him, or her... okay, lets be real here, HER a sandwich and a glass of milk. On top of that, I wouldn't talk to her long enough to find out that she is hungry or thirsty. Ugh. I avoid any conversations at all costs. So we'll have to figure that it means be good, supportive, and helpful to our enemies. Yuck, right?

Third and the part I'm really struggling with - What if I just want to heap the burning coals on "his" head myself? I mean, literally. I know, I know, I'm terrible. But it's true, at times, well, really, most of the time.

I guess I need to concentrate on the end there... that the Lord will reward me... Wow.

Here's where I get really real. I really bombed tonight. I was attacked, and I came out with nails bared ready to lunge. Not literally, of course. (remember, she's too far away) But I was thoroughly ticked. This “enemy” is sick. I really do believe that. And she’s truly going out of her way to get under my skin in any way she can. I’m doing my best to distance myself from any contact with her… But she went so far as to seek out my blog. Yea, I had deleted her on silly Facebook, refrained from posting on her friend’s status updates, pictures, etc… And she found me on Blogger. Unbelievable. Truly. She made sure to comment, so that I knew she had found me. I was shocked. I don’t know why the fascination with me and what I have going on… But I guess that’s neither here nor there… So I deleted her comment, blocked her from viewing my blog, blocked anonymous comments from my blog, blocked her on FB, and sent her a text asking her to please refrain from contacting me. She was not done. It exploded from there. It spiraled out of control. And now, I’m kicking myself, while she’s probably enjoying a glass of wine and smiling at herself.

I’m sure that I played right into her hand… Dang it… I totally tried to heap the coals instead of giving her a slice of pizza and a beer. Dang Dang Dang it! And it really stings because she immediately reverts to insulting me and my Christianity. Saying how I don't practice what I preach. I'm a work in progress, YOU, enemy!!!

I guess I can take a bit of pride in realizing that at least this time, I remembered the scripture. I meditated on it. I was a little late. It would’ve been nice if it had popped into my little head before I freaked out and lost my marbles. But I DID remember the scripture!!! Baby steps right?

Blessings
141. The sickness leaving my house after a REAL long week of yuck
142. The beautiful weather today
143. Getting out of the house for a bit to do some shopping
144. My well behaved little girls in the horribly long line at Kohl’s
145. 3 sleeping babies when we pulled back in the driveway
146. The friendly neighbor that stopped in to let us know our dogs had run off to the next section over
147. My husband having a truck to bring the filthy animals home
148. Celebrating another MSU football victory
149. My hubby not working 3^rd shift for at least a couple of weeks
150. Yummy potato soup

Day #20 - Time flies when...

I can not believe that it is November 8th already!!! Can. Not. Believe. It! I totally missed the entire month of September and October somehow... How does this happen!?! I don't feel like I've been real busy with anything out of the ordinary. I guess I need to try to make a more deliberate effort of blogging. I always feel so much better afterwards. (like I've purged my mind, and readied it for more of my endless nonsense? maybe???)

Well it IS November already, regardless of if I'm totally ready for it or not. We are coming into the holiday season, which is a wonderful (albeit fattening) time of the year.

The holiday calendar is already filling up, unbelievably quickly. While I am looking forward to spending time with family, and I thank God daily for giving me all the new opportunities and friendships I have... There is a part of me that wonders why I wished all the quiet, alone time away so quickly.

If you know me at all, you know that I can appreciate each season of my life... I say, "I can", because there are times that I seem to choose not to, or forget to, or just get so caught up in the future and what's to come, or the past and what used to be, that I fail to remember God's hand is on everything and in everything.

For the first time in my life though, I can honestly say, I am so content with this season... I'm happy with my little family. I love that God has blessed Michael and I with such beautiful, warm, fascinating little hearts to watch over. I know that I'm where I'm supposed to be right now - learning more of God's Word, staying at home with my phenominal little babies, being the best wife I know how to be to my amazing husband, actively participating in my new church family, and learning to be a good friend to some wonderful ladies in my life. I'm ok here. Finally. (can you hear my sigh of relief?)

I can't say that I don't still have my moments of insecurity. They come, but now they also pass. I can't say I don't have envy or jealousy still residing within me. It's there. I'm just learning to recognize it for what it is, and working hard to shut the devil and his lies out. There are things about "Stephanie" that I can't see ever totally changing... Although even in typing that, I realize that's reallllllll naive! God can perform miracles!!! I'm just along for the ride.

So my blessings this time -

127. A booked calendar
128. The weekends that aren't booked
129. Turkey dinners for the next three weekends (gobble gobble!)
130. My little brother's suddenly more frequent phone calls
131. The wonderfullness (is that a word?) of prayer
132. The new family devotionals we've been working on
133. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
134. The overwhelming feeling I get when I hear my 4 and 2 year old girls recite the Lord's Prayer.
135. The 2 weeks of vacation my husband receives effective December 1st.
136. Kate's improvement in preschool, and Sunday School
137. Lauren's new Sunday School class
138. Madeline's new found independence
139. Another successful Halloween experience
140. The great deal my husband got at the Hillsdale Auction on my new wagon wheels. Love them!

Day #19 - What happened to August!?

Really??? No posts in August??? What the heck have I been doing??? Losing my mind???

Blessings first, just in case I run out of time (cuz girls are in the tub)..>

111. Kate's first year of preschool, which starts in less than a week
112. Our family becoming one of the newest members of St. Paul's Lutheran Church
113. The new year beginning in the bible studies we have become a part of
114. Making new friends
115. Finally starting to feel like this is "home"
116. Feeling comfortable enough with my new friends to leave my babies alone with them twice in the last two weeks - even if it was just for a couple of hours each time
117. A long Labor Day weekend coming up
118. A sitter this coming Saturday night so that we can go to dinner with 2 other couples
119. New gutters currently being installed on our house
120. The beautiful flower beds I will have next spring because we've finally got the gutters up to divert the water
121. The cool nights that have allowed us to sleep with the windows open
122. The air conditioning that is coming in handy for the next couple of days of abnormally high temperatures.
123. The first MSU football game of the season tomorrow night
124. The leaves that are already starting to change color
125. The pool that is coming down, marking the beginning of my favorite season.
126. Madeline taking her first real steps. She can walk, although she still prefers to crawl.

Things have been real good for us lately... Michael and I have really come together, opened up the lines of communication, and gotten on the same page. Our spiritual growth amazes me at times. I know we're no where near where we need to be, or even hope to be, but we're a lot further than I would have ever guessed we'd get. I know that the future holds some amazing things for us, and for our little family. God is Great!!!

That being said, there are some areas that we're definitely being tested. The devil knows where he can attack, and he uses that information every chance he can get. I can tell you that I've never been so sure that we're EXACTLY where we need to be (physically and emotionally).

I'm learning, and constantly being reminded, that I need to keep my emotions in check. Jealousy and envy is totally unbecoming... I recognize that... But it's one of my biggest struggles... For some reason that doesn't embarrass me to admit...

Everything happens for a reason. I know that we are walking the path that God wants us to. That's the most important thing in the world to me!!!

Day #18 - Summer Lovin

Things have been a tad bit hectic, hence my lack of posts for the last month...

In the past month-
Michael's Grandpa passed away, which resulted in his Grandma moving back to Michigan from Arizona.
We stained all the skirting on the deck and began the second coat of stain on the 557 miles (maybe i'm exaggerating) of railing on the deck.
Michael got 5 trailer-fulls of dirt and shoveled them into the flower beds, while i worked on raking it out evenly (can you say blisters?!?).
We started our New Member Class at St Paul's Lutheran.
I started a new book and chapter with my Wednesday night girls.
I started a new book with my Tuesday morning girls.
Madeline turned a year old.
We celebrated a wonderful 4th of July with family.
Some weirdo in Grand Rapids went a bit crazy, shooting up the town, and my lil bro was on lock-down at his office.
Betty Ford passed away.
We had a big first birthday party for our little one. It was a HIT!
We got word that Grandpa Swan and Grammy Jan are coming to visit us in a couple of weeks!
I got invited to a Women's Weekend Retreat, in Arcadia, with some wonderful women from our church. I'm thrilled!!!!

There's probably more, but I'm two drinks into my friday night, and not feeling real poetic...

We're getting the girls pictures taken tomorrow and I'm super stoked! Can't wait to see how they cooperate... Fingers crossed...

My blessings? See above.
Michael started setting up a budget... should be interesting...

Day #17 - Clear as Mud

Wow! It's been awhile, aye?
Wow! It's been a day...

 I'm not sure where I'm headed tonight with this blog... Probably mindless chattering nonsense... But hey, that's me.


Take me or leave me. Love me or hate me. What you see is what you get.


I've said all of those things in the last few days, describing myself, and just today realized how dangerous that probably is.


I mean, to a certain point, it's good to be honest with people. It's good that friends and family know where they stand with me and my heart.


But, the danger comes when you use those phrases as an excuse to spew whatever nonsense comes to mind... Without regard for others feelings.... Without any worry about what people will take from the conversation...


There is more than one place in the Bible that talks about holding your tongue... Example you ask??? I've got a few...http://holding-your-tongue.html/ I'm learning that it must be pretty darn important if it's in that mighty book! ;O)


So, that's my next task at hand - taming my tongue. HAHA! Anyone who truly knows me is laughing hysterically right now. But I am going to work on it. I need to work on it. I need to stop, drop and roll before... Wait, that's not right... I need to stop and look both ways... Nope that's not it either... I need to stop and think before I open my big yapper! That's right!!!! It's not going to be easy, and it's not going to be fun. However, it will be done.


I've got people in my corner now-a-days. I've got things happening that I would have never guessed. I've got mountains moving and people shifting and all kinds of amazingly crazy, awesomely inspiring, incredible stuff going on... And this is the next step. EXCITING!

101. Shed building
102. Mile walking
103. My "Peter and John"
104. Hot dogs and pizza
105. The toothache that has finally ended
106. The non-appendicitis freakout
107. Someone to call when I'm freaking out
108. Finally starting to catch on
109. VBS
110. My Lu finally coming back to Michigan tomorrow

Day #16 - Easy is not always easy...

Let me start by explaining something I know to be inherently true about my husband... If you take him to Menard's, you will NOT leave without spending at least $100.

So, Monday, Memorial Day, after an awesome wedding and reception out of town, without children, where I consumed 5 or 6 glasses of wine, and danced my booty off, plus spending some time in downtown Detroit with some of his old buddies sitting on a patio, we arrived back at home at approximately 4pm. We relieved my mother of her babysitting duties (THANKS MOM!) and I thought assumed my position on the couch to veg out for the evening. HA HA to me!

I honestly know better. I do. Michael doesn't really ever just veg. He's always gotta be doing something. So it was probably wishful thinking that playing with the children would keep him entertained for a few hours... Instead, the conversation went something like this:
Him- So now what?
Me- Uh, IDK, what do you wanna do?
Him- Um, something fun with the girls???
Me- Like what?
Him- K. R. A P?
Me- ???? crap???? what????
Him- No, goofy! It's backwards... Think about it!
Me- Oh, duh (Kate knows how to spell park now)
The conversation continued until along those lines until I suggested (dumb? maybe?) that we check out a pool at Menard's. It's on sale for $45, so with our discount, we'd get it for $40.50!!! LOL! So off we went...

Of course, once we arrived, we quickly realized that the $40.50 pool was close to the same size, at least gallons of water wise, as a pool we already have at home. So the great debate began on whether or not we should purchase an "upgrade". That finally resulted in me pretty much throwing my hands up in the air and saying- Whatever you wanna do, babe! Mind you, I've been working on this submission to my husband thing in my Bible study -- so that conclusion wasn't really very hard to come to. (yea me! - lol)

Anyway, $180 later, we left Menard's. And now, it's night 2 of the easy set-up of the Easy Set-Up Pool. Yea, whoever said it was easy is a big hairy ugly liar. And I'd really bet he was big and hairy!!! But anywho... I think we got it! I'm looking out the window at a nearly completed pool, that's actually round, instead of egg shaped. I won't mention how I helped (and read the instructions) on this second set up. oh wait, darn, i mighta just mentioned it, aye?

The girls are gonna love this pool!!!!

Blessings -
83. Wonderful weekend out of town.
84. Fun wonderful in-laws to spend it with. (im soooo lucky there!)
85. Gee-Gee the babysitter!
86. Spending time with an old friend and her adorable son on Saturday.
87. BBQ ribs.
88. Honest John's patio
89. Beautiful weather FINALLY!!!
90. Grill out/bonfire this coming weekend with friends.
91. Air conditioning.
92. Little black dresses.
93. The basement at the Pine Knob Mansion immediately after the outdoor wedding so we were safe during the tornado.
94. No rain or crazy wind during the outdoor wedding.
95. Wonderful waitstaff that still provided us with wine/beer in the basement.
96. Pizza buffet before midnight.
97. Free flip-flops
98. Beautiful king suite at The Hilton.
99. Amazing fun company all weekend.
100. AWESOMENESS!!! I just hit 100!!!!

Day #15 - The Holy Spirit!

So I got one of the biggest compliments ever this weekend... You're not going to believe this... Especially my friends reading this that have known me from "back in the day"... And the person that threw it at me really thought that she was being mean... She thought that I would be offended, or upset... Ha Ha to her, because it was quite the contrary... And when she didn't get the reaction she wanted, she retreated... Which was probably better... Because I had a WHOLE LOT more to say... But I'm so proud of myself for the way I handled it. So proud!!!!

I was called a "bible thumper"!!! I don't know, maybe I should have been offended. But at the time, I literally Laughed Out Loud. It was via email, so she didn't hear me laugh, although I did my best to convey that in my response to her.

I wrote back and told her that it was not the worst name i've ever been called. (duh!) And that the Bible does say that Christians will face persecution and I now know exactly what is meant by that. Although, quite honestly, I never thought it would be from people that supposably care about me. (I just don't understand the need for name calling. I'm thinking that's a little juvenile.) I told her, I am not concerned in the least about offending anyone. I am witnessing the Truth. I care about my families salvation. (because oh yea, I mighta forgot to mention... this is actually someone related to me!) This is exactly what God is calling me to do, and I'm carrying out his wishes. Period. I will not bite my tongue. I will totally risk pushing people away in this lifetime for the chance to spend the rest of eternity with them in Heaven. I will rub everyone the wrong way if there is any possibility they will hear me (and God's Word) and have everlasting life.

Now mind you, I didn't really say anything to start with... I disagreed with a post on facebook that was comparing Church to a cult. I swear, she really came at me with this "bible thumper" name and the idea that I was "pushing people away" without me attacking or quoting scripture or really anything that could have been misconstrued as pushing my Jesus agenda on her or her family.

I'll admit, I was totally flabbergasted to start... But now, I'm really realizing it was a compliment. I'm proud to be my Bible thumping self!!! So you might want to stay back, retreat now, stop reading my facebook and my blogs, because I have a strong feeling this Christian stuff might be contagious!!! And I truly hope it is!!

Blessings this week!
71. The Holy Spirit moving in me and helping me to articulate what I now know as the Truth.
72. The countless opportunities I'm going to have to use my new found knowledge.
73. Patience with people that are going to argue with me every step of the way.
74. The suggestion from a friend to dedicate time to the Bible each day before I allow myself computer time. It has WORKED!!!
75. My hard-working husband (again) who brought pizza home, had enough time to relax for about 20 minutes to eat a couple pieces before getting called right back into work.
76. My big girl Lauren who decided she'd like her ears pierced and didn't scream like a wild woman and make me feel like a bad mom after she was done.
77. March for Babies 3 mile walk this weekend with some besties and my Lauren! Love my girls!
78. Breakfast the next day with another bestie and my Kate!
79. 2 trips to Delta Mills Park in Lansing in 2 days so that each of my babies got some alone time with Mommy. I am one lucky mommy!
80. Our nephew's 3rd birthday. He's growing up so fast, and we don't see him nearly enough.
81. New tires on the van!
82. The study Bible I'll be borrowing from a friend this week. I know it's going to help me learn even more! So excited!!!

Threw in a few extra there because I'm feeling extra blessed tonight!

Day #14 - Never Stop Being Amazed

So I'm totally amazed at what a little blog can do for me, and for others. I really want to thank everyone who has taken a moment to comment, or shoot me an email. The words of encouragement have been wonderful.
To be honest, I started this blog just as an outlet. My mind tends to race in 15 different directions at once, if not more, and I thought getting some stuff out would help me. Turns out, I was right! HaHaHa! Shocker there, right?!? All kidding aside, it has helped me, but from the sounds of things, some of the stuff I say might be helping other people too... Not that I'm so enlightening... But I guess if I can just bring a smile to someones day, or a little giggle, or even some reflection, that's all super too!

Back to me - cuz that's what this is really about, right?!? (kidding again of course) But today - I totally stepped outta my little box, my little comfort zone, and signed up to be a Scentsy Consultant. I figured "Hey, why not!?!". Anyone who knows me could probably list a few dozen, if not hundred, reasons why not.

That list would start with, uh, Stephanie, You're totally NOT a salesperson! Well, this I know. But Scentsy kinda sells itself. And I enjoy it, so I figure other people might too? Second on the list, uh, Stephanie, Aren't you busy enough raising 3 children? And that answer would be HECK YES! But I'm thinking this won't take a whole lot of my time. I mean, I'll only get out of it what I put into it... So I can gear up or scale back anytime I need/want to. As I said, the list of reasons not to do it, far exceed, in number only, the reasons I decided to do it... But I'm in now and I'm excited! I'll keep everyone posted on my progress. As of now, I'm waiting for my "welcome packet" and then I'll get my first party scheduled!

Oh, and another thing... I've been venting lately to people about stupid Facebook and the idiots that post random dumbness just to stir controversy... Well, I deleted a few of those idiots today. I'm beginning to realize that some people aren't worth my time, or energy. I have enough on my plate with my family, my friends, and most importantly my God. I don't have time for nonsense anymore. I'm feeling so good about where things are headed in my life. I just don't need the negative distractions.

And on a totally different subject, because as I stated above, and if you follow my rantings at all, my mind is jumping onto something else already -- Keep praying for me folks! I have a few BIG things on my plate right now. I just need God's guidance and patience through some things. He will lead me in the right direction.

blessings
61. A 2 hour and 44 minute phone conversation with a dear friend today.
62. My wonderful children who kept themselves occupied pretty much that entire 2 hrs and 44 minutes.
63. 1400 cell phone minutes a month, so I don't go over 
64. Thunder because it causes my girls to run and leap into my arms as I type my blog.
65. God's Truth that is shining on me and far outweighing soooo many lies I have believed.
66. Kate's excitement to start pre-school this fall - wish I could bottle it up and use it every year, especially once high school comes around.
67. The love my girls share for each other. So innocent.
68. Kate telling me she wants to go to Kansas. There are tornadoes there!
69. Lauren copying everything Kate says... She wants to go to Kansas too!
70. Madeline coming into her own.

Day #13 - Let It Be Lucky

Well I put the girls in the tub hoping to have time to blog... But after checking my email, cooresponding with our insurance rep on the leak in our kitchen ceiling, and screwing around on stupid facebook, I'm totally out of time. The girls are already screaming they want out! Ugh!

Blessings...
51. Shampoo 
52. My neice Taylor
53. The rain making the grass green
54. The forecast for 70 degrees this weekend
55. Subway for dinner
56. Balloons
57. The weekend
58. Playdoh
59. Easter
60. Laughing

Day #12 - Our Battles

I have a friend going thru quite an ordeal right now. Suffice it to say, he has been wrongly accussed, by an evil man, and is now in quite a predicament. I don't feel comfortable giving specifics...
What I am learning from this mess that he's encountered, is that we really need to constantly be aware of how much our words and actions are being scrutinized. I'm learning that sometimes you truly don't realize how you sound, until you replay things in your head (or even listen to them if they've been recorded). I'm learning that manipulation is a very tricky thing and even when you think you've got your wits about you, you might be getting manipulated by the people closest to you... the people you'd never ever expect.
The whole scenario is at best, scary and at the very worst, pushing my friend over the edge. I am really worried about him and the toll this is taking on him and his family.
I'm finding more and more as I grow closer and closer to God, that the devil is really just waiting for a chance to take us down. Honestly! It's so unbelievable how low he will stoop, who he will use, what he will convince people of. Now please don't get me wrong, I don't think that the devil is all-powerful. He can only do so much. (I mean, he's not GOD! Thank GOD!) But he sure can create a whole lot of havoc while he has the opportunity to.
I guess what I'm really getting at is... Take time to speak nice. Take a minute to smile. Enjoy every breath of fresh air. Hug and kiss your children as much (and as often) as you possibly can. Reflect. Communicate clearly. Love totally. And always always pray. God wants the best for us... And we can acheive the best only if we're walking with Him.
And please keep my friend and his family in your prayers.

41. Chocolate chip cookies baking
42. Crying children
43. Time-outs
44. Weekend away with my husband
45. A minute of peace and quiet
46. The sound of yelling and laughing outside
47. Tag
48. Hide and Seek
49. Big hugs
50. And kisses

Day #11 - Blessings

OK, this is the 3rd blog started in the last 3 days... And for some reason, I seem to have writers block or something!?!

We have lots of exciting things going on... friends are having babies, the weather is getting nicer, we had 2 overnight visitors in the last week, my Bible study group is AWESOME.
We have things to look forward to in the future... The weather is getting nicer (I know I pointed that out twice), Bob Seger concert this weekend, Easter is just around the corner, March for Babies walk in Lansing at the end of April, a girl's night with some old friends planned after the walk, summer which means swimming and parks and flowers and gardening and outside time.
I am stoked!!!!

And I went and bought the Casting Crowns CD today after my dentist appt... Glorious Day!!! Love it!!!! And yes, today was a glorious day, but I'm referring to a song by Casting Crowns. If you get a chance, check it out on YouTube. I am addicted to that song right now!!! Brought me to tears on my way home from the store. Had it loud enough, that I didn't hear my low gas chime, and didn't notice I am about to run out of gas until I turned on my road. For those of you that don't know where I live/have not visited this is not a good thing. There is not a gas station on every corner in this metropolis of Osseo, Michigan. So I have a play date planned for the am... Cross fingers I can make it to a gas station on the way to Archbold, Ohio. (I'm giving you names of the towns so that you can google them... we're talking BIG TIME here)

K, signing off, gotta get the girls in the tub.
Blessings...
21. Dental insurance
22. Nice dentists
23. Loud music
24. Patience
25. Visitors
26. Naked little butts running around my bedroom
27. Newly rota tilled gardens
28. Beautiful flower beds
29. Taxes being done
30. Grandparents that will watch kiddies
and 31-40 because I missed my blessings last post
31. Raspberry lemonade
32. Low gas light
33. St Paul's Lutheran
34. Bob Seger
35. Almost 9month old with 8 teeth
36 2 year old with 4 molars coming in at once
37. Singing in the bathtub
38. Tigers baseball
39. March madness (almost over)
40. Ohio State losing in the tourney ;o)

Day #10 - And it's March 10th!

Ok... So i just had a real dumb moment that I won't even go into the details on... But it made me realize that I totally always expect the worse.
I mean, I don't just expect it... I anticipate it... I plan for it... I get ready for what my reaction will be before I even know for sure that I'm right... I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach... And then whammo - I'm totally wrong! Things aren't nearly as bad I thought they were going to be. What the heck?!?
And this is with everything... Example? Madeline got sick all over me this morning. Do I assume she just had too much gas in her belly from a bottle she just finished? No. I assume she's sick and now she'll infect the entire house and I might miss my Bible study because i don't want to infect them and on and on and on. (altho in this case I might be right, because she is running a fever and asleep now.)
I'm a worrier. Worry what people think. Worry what I'll say. Worry what my girls will do. Worry Worry Worry... Prob why in the last couple months I've noticed an increase in my gray hair.
But to worry about things that haven't even happened, and may not even happen... Seriously?... Come on now... Along with making me feel like a complete basket-case, it really can't be healthy right?
I gotta loosen up... I know summer will help... Carefree summertime fun will definitely help.... If it will just hurry up and get here before I worry it away.

Day #9 - My Baby Turned 4!

So Kate turned 4 years old on the 4th of March... I'm over it now, but I was really struggling... I feel like we ("we" being society at a whole) are always in such a hurry. And I know this is something that has been talked about so much that it's probably old news to most of us, but it really, really, really hit me when my baby turned 4.
The last 5 years of my life have been crazy, fun, eventful, full, unbelievable, changing, scary, enlightening, wonderful, sad, and so much more...
Summer of 2005, I bought my first house, all on my own! Empowering to say the least!
December of 2005, Michael proposed to me!
Summer of 2006, We found out we were pregnant for Kate. Wow!
Fall (October) of 2006, Michael and I were married... I know I know... Wrong order... What can I say?
Spring (March) of 2007, Kate was born and we became parents for the first time!
Summer of 2007, Michael got a new job and started traveling. The plan was for us all to move to Wisconsin as soon as we sold our house in Lansing... However, the housing market was beginning its downturn... We never made that move... Instead, I was a single mom during the week, while working full-time, and Daddy came home on the weekends to see us. Less than ideal.
Spring of 2008, We found out we were pregnant with baby #2, soon to be known as Lauren Michaella. Totally shocked! Baby #2 was not planned either...
Summer of 2008, Michael got another new job, with Menard's. We were moving to Ohio. Our house finally sold on a short-sale, trashing my credit, but at least it was only in my name. And we were off on our new adventure.
Late Fall, Early Winter of 2008, They began construction of Michael's new plant in Holiday City, Ohio. We rented a beautiful home from Menard's, which worked out perfectly, except that you could see the plant from our back windows. Needless to say, Michael was working 80-90 hour work weeks, and was called into help on things non-stop.
Winter (January) of 2009, Lauren Michaella was born. Michael's plant was up and running, but not without glitches. He was still working insane hours and I fell into some pretty harsh post-partum depression.
Summer of 2009, We had been in our rental house for a year and decided maybe we should look into buying a house. I started browsing and found a repossession that looked decent. Later that summer, we were moving into it. Ugh, moving AGAIN!
Winter 2009, Pregnant AGAIN! OH TRIPLE WOW! Really, really, really, not planned! Lauren was not yet a year old and our family was already growing again!?!
Summer (July) 2010, We welcomed our 3rd beautiful baby girl into the world. Madeline Jean.
Quick synopsis - in 5 years, we have been in 3 homes, had 3 babies, 2 dogs, moved out of Michigan just to move right back to Michigan, gotten married... Obviously not in that order... Can I just say WHEW?!?
I am sooooo ready for things to just slow down. We have so much work to do at this house. The girls are going to start activities soon (soccer, dance, etc...). Kate will start pre-school in the fall. I really don't see anything slowing down anytime soon.
But I am definitely looking forward to a glass of wine in the evening this summer (because I won't be pregnant), sitting on my half-stained, half-finished deck (we'll get to that eventually). I just need some time to rest, and unwind, and enjoy my husbands company... Looking forward to THAT!

And my blessings...
11. Our grocery bill last night. We desperately needed groceries!
12. Mud. It means the snow and frost and sleet will all soon be history.
13. Bath tubs. Keep the girls entertained so that I can take 15 minutes to throw a blog together.
14. Kate's birthday. Helps to remind me to slow down and enjoy the special moments.
15. Make-up. Semi-hides my lack of sleep.
16. The Bible. Keeps me sane!
17. Music. We watched zero TV yesterday...
18. TV. It keeps me sane too. ;o)
19. Facebook. For keeping me "connected" to my old friends.
20. My Bible study girls. For being my new friends.

Day #8 - WOW!

Holy Moly!

I say, write, type, do a lot of dumb stuff!
And lately, I'm really down on myself for my faults... Maybe I should start thinking about some positive things? Maybe even keep track of them? Let's say... Starting NOW!

1. My beautiful girls in the bathtub. I thank God for them everyday!
2. My littliest girl crawling around on the floor. Her too! Her too!
3. My wonderfu,l hard-working, loving husband. Could God have given me a better other half?! No way!!!! My meant-to-be!
4. Our big ever-growing extended family. We are all so blessed!
5. Spaghetti dinner last night. Yummo!
6. Cookies and milk after we got the kids to bed. Guilty pleasure.
7. Bananas and oranges for breakfast. I think the girls are sick of cereal, and we're out of eggs.
8. A fantastic weekend planned. Woo Hoo! Kate turns 4!
9. Good friends, old and new. I thank God for you guys every day too!
10. The melting snow!!!! Spring is almost here!!!! I can smell it!

Okay, I'll start with those 10. We'll see how fast this list expands. And TODAY, I'm going to try and stay as positive and upbeat as possible. Putting my faith and heart where it belongs!!!!!

Day #7 - Am I nuts?

I am insecure. I've known that for awhile now. Well, I think I've known it forever. Although, recently, it has become more and more glaringly evident. And to be honest, it's totally freaking me out...

I'm insecure about my looks... Maybe everyone is? Or, more likely, maybe I hope everyone is so that I don't feel more insecure about feeling insecure. I'm not happy about my hair AT ALL (that's a whole other story)! My body is not nearly in the shape I'd like it to be. I guess 3 babies in 4 years will do that to a girl. I wish I was taller. And more muscular. I'd like prettier hands and feet. Ugh! I would never think to leave my house without makeup! EVER! I just read an article about the circles of people in your life. It said that your inner circle of friends are the ones that see you with no makeup. Uh... Not true in my case... Not unless I've stayed overnight, but even then, after brushing my teeth, I always at least put some pressed powder on. Man, maybe that's not insecure, maybe that's an illness...

I'm insecure about my family. Now, don't gasp so loud there! I don't mean that quite how it sounds. I'm so proud of my girls and my husband! I get insecure when we're out and we get those comments - "WOW! 3 little girls! You guys sure have your hands full!" "You must really stay busy with 3 kids under 4!" OH BLAH!!!! Leave me alone! Don't judge what we have going on here. We have been blessed with the most wonderful children on the planet. Yes, maybe, I had them close together, so what? And my husband... He's awesome! But (you had to know that but was coming) he has a tendency to be a bit immature. He's been known to say things that are a bit ridiculous at times, and totally embarrass me. I think it's a game he plays. He probably keeps track of how many different shades of red my face can turn.

I'm insecure about my social status. Hmmm... How to explain that... My husband has busted his butt to get where he is today. If you asked him 4 years ago where he'd be today, he would never ever have guessed this. But sometimes, I feel like people expect us to live in this glorious house, with perfect things, on a tree-lined street, with a white picket fence... Such is NOT my life. While I'll admit we do have a nice house, it was repossession. Yea, it's brand new, but we didn't build it. We practically stole it from the bank. See... even on my blog I'm trying to justify things... Truth is, We work hard! We have a nice house because that's what we have made a priority. We don't vacation, or have a boat, or a 4-wheeler, or even a garage (yet). But, I panic when people (even family) make plans to come over. I run around in a frenzy, straightening and tidying and dusting and sweeping and mopping and wiping and making myself totally crazy! And even when I'm finished I can look around at any given point and see at least a dozen things I overlooked or I'm not proud of because they're not complete.

I'm insecure about my faith. That's a BIGGIE! I'm starting to surround myself with people that believe the same things I do, but practice it on a much higher level. That's making me feel icky? Well, kinda? I keep telling myself that I'll get there. I keep reminding myself that Satan is working on me. He's trying to beat me down, make me feel unworthy, so that I'll throw in the towel. I go to 2 Bible studies now! Ha Ha Satan! And everyone I have met has been truly wonderful, open and caring. So I totally know it's ME. I struggle with feeling less than because I'm not "there" yet. I'm working on it, pushing towards it, but I just haven't reached "that" point yet. Although, in typing that now, I'm not sure I'll even know when I have reached "that" point. This is some kind of a vicious circle.

God has a lot of work... Let me rephrase that... I have a lot of work to do with God to get through all these things. Good thing I don't have a deadline to meet. I've got FOREVER with Him!

Day #6 - Reflection Can't Hurt

I've been doing a whole lot of reflecting today... Sometimes bad news seems to do that for me...

Heard from a friend about another pregnancy loss. Actually, not technically a loss as of this moment, but it is just a matter of time. These people have also lost a home in a house fire, this week! I don't know them personally, but in reading the prayer request email I received, I was literally brought to my knees...

The entire miserable sad story really got me thinking about my faith... And others faith... And really questioning things.

Michael and I believe in God. We want our children to grow up knowing that Jesus Christ lived and died for their sins. I am a spiritual person, although I have strayed from doing the "right thing" far more than I care to admit sometimes. I did not grow up in a church, or even in a home where God was discussed daily, weekly, or even monthly. I was baptised, but that was last year. Michael, on the other hand, was raised Lutheran, has been through cathecism and confirmation. But I'm sure if you asked him, he would tell you he definitely has not always done what God has expected of him. He was just invited to be in a Bible study and declined the invitation. (I haven't really discussed that with him, because I'm pretty sure we'd end up in a heated discussion and I'm not in the mood for that any time soon...)

I will admit that I'm one of those people that leans on God when it feels like the right thing to do... Usually not when things are going awesomely (not a word, I'm sure), not when things are just fair and normal and everyday...  A lot of the time, it's when things have gone terribly ary and I just don't know what else to do but "Let Go and Let God".

But we have been blessed. Michael and I are so extremely lucky! We have a wonderful family, 3 beautiful healthy little girls. He has an amazing job. A job that allows me to be a stay at home mom and raise my little darlings to be everything God has planned for them. Don't get me wrong, we've gone thru some stuff... I was a single parent, for almost a year, while Michael worked a job that had him traveling all week, every week. After we moved to Ohio and we had Lauren, I suffered from severe post-partum depression and Michael was working 70 hr work weeks for his plant start-up. We suffered through some family nonsense, just like most people I know. Somehow though, things always end up perfectly.

My pregnancies, none of the 3, were planned. They were all wonderful though, no complications, no problems during birth, not even any morning sickness. And of course, I hated most every minute of being pregnant. Did I pray then? Not a single time that I can think of, off the top of my head.

That brings me to today. The horrible news that brought me to tears and dropped me to my knees. I don't know the couple personally. The family members of theirs that I know, are very spiritual. (Actually, the person I received the email from is the reason why I am in a Bible study on Monday nights.) So, I'm assuming that the family is probably Christian... And I'll even go so far as to say I'd bet they're walking a bit closer with God than Michael and I do...

So WHY? Why does it seem like things like this happen to the people that you'd never expect them to? Why does God allow the people that worship Him the most to sometimes suffer the most? How do Michael and I seem to reap all the blessings and not do any of the up-front leg work? Why am I any more worthy of these beautiful little blessings I named Kate, Lauren, and Madeline than anyone else in the world that prays nightly for a miracle baby?

I think I have some praying to do...

Day #5 - Long Time Coming

So it's freezing in Michigan, and although most educated people would say that coldness does not make us sick, I beg to differ. We currently have 3 little girls with coughs, runny  noses, and overall ickness, which in turn results in orneryness.

We did decide to leave the house today, in the 14 degree heatwave, and venture out to do a bit of shopping. We went to Menards (I know - SHOCKER!) and WalMart. The excitement never ends around here!!!!

Playoffs are on, I don't care.
But-

Tomorrow evening I start a Bible study. I'm a bit apprehensive, as I've never done one before... And the girls I'm doing it with are "new friends". That is not to suggest that they're not good friends, they're just new... Or I am new, I guess... Because they've all known each other for awhile.
I've struggled to make friends down here. I'm not real sure why... I mean... I know that I feel like it's IMPOSSIBLE to meet people when I don't have a job or go to school and have not found a church that we love yet... But I have met a few people that I guess I just haven't hit it off with.
Maybe I come on too strong? I will admit at this point I'm probably sounding pretty pathetic. We've been down here for two and a half years now. (UGH! That's hard to believe!) So I probably have that look of desperation on my face... I think people might just be running in the other direction.
The women I have met I don't share a whole lot in common with... I've met a crazy partying drinker mom. A married never gonna have children non-mom. An Amish 7 children under 7 mom. A neighbor that invited me for one play date and moved away mom.
Things have not been going my way.
This year my MOPs group has blessed me with these new moms... Wait, I'm new. I'm new. They're not the new ones! I've gotta keep that straight!
I'm excited about what God has in store for me. I know that this Bible study is only going to be fantastic as long as I stay out of God's way! Keep me, and my "friends" in your prayers...

Day #4 - Holy Wierdness...

So... I haven't posted in a few days, and I just put 2 of the 3 girls in the bathtub (mommy's quiet time) and decided to wing it...
I was thinking about writing about how we were in Pizza Hut for lunch today, when an older couple (prob 65-70 yrs old) approached us as they were leaving. They said, "Your girls are beautiful and very well-behaved!". We thanked them and they left. I just looked at Miko, and I'm sure I was beaming.
I know that I think my girls are pretty well-behaved. I mean, when they're not, we just leave. We have ordered food before, and then left, waited in the car for them to box it up, and taken it home to eat it. I will not be that parent with the screaming, crazy acting child in the middle of a restaurant... or grocery store... or even WalMart (where it's actually half-way acceptable).
And of course, my parents and in-laws always say my little ones are wonderful but they have to (I mean, they're blood). But there is nothing that makes me feel as accomplished and proud as when a stranger approaches me with something positive to say about my little family. Like I said, I know I beam with pride...
But anyway - I've gotten completely off subject - that's what I WAS gonna write about... That is, until Kate yelled from my master bath, "Mommmmmmeeeeeeeee, there was something ucky in this bath-tub. I threw it on the floor. Can you come see what it is please?" In I went to investigate, thinking it's probably a hair or something, because she's usually freaking out about something ridiculous. Could I be that lucky?!? Oh no... no... no... no... Kate then says, "I think it kinda looks like poop." As I bend down to check it out, I quickly discover that's exactly what it is!
Lauren has been doing a great job with potty training until this very moment. I now have a bathtub full of toys and soapy water, not to mention 2 children, and it's also full of poop! I quickly scoop them out and turn around to pull Michael away from his football game, and crash right into him and his big smile.
Bahahahahaha! He's smiling! So all I can do is crack up! This is what our Saturday nights consist of now. This is our excitement on the weekends. This is what we live for. Well, not the poop, but you know what I mean. God is always smiling down on us and He definitely has a sense of humor!

Day #3 - Random Thoughts

1. Love Love Love Cinnamon Creme in my coffee and I think it's turning me into a coffee addict.

2. Yesterday Kate and Lauren were headed downstairs when Kate said, "Follow the yellow brick road with me Lauren!". Lauren's reply was, "O E O, O Oh!" (she's not even 2!). Brought tears to my eyes, but when I told Miko, he said "Maybe they watch too much Wizard of Oz???". I'm thinking he needs to read my blog about picking battles.

3. Madeline has 2 teeth, but still isn't sitting up. She's 6 months old. I know I shouldn't worry, it'll all be fine, but I find myself worrying...

4. Just turned around in my desk chair, Kate and Lauren are sitting side by side and Kate is "reading" the Bible to Lauren. AWESOME! And now just that quickly, she's quoting Wizard of Oz. Maybe they do watch it too much....

5. I've had a headache for about 4 days now. Not a huge one, but just enough to irritate me. I know I need a massage... however, this headache seems to correspond with my husband being out of town... hmmmm... I always thought he caused my headaches.

6. Potty-training Lauren is going splendidly! I've only had to throw away one pair of underwear that she #2'd in. And yes, I'm serious! I threw those nasty things away. I can only take so much!

7. Michael is officially back from his trip to Wisconsin. He went straight to work, without coming home first. Bummed me out a bit, but I totally understand. The girls would have never let him leave to go back into the office... And as I look outside, I realize he brought the snow with him... Ugh...

8. I'm ready for spring.

9. I miss my dad!

10. I am soooo happy I started blogging, although the word BLOG really is kinda grossing me out. BLOG BLOG BLOG. Sounds kinda nasty. But this is becoming very therapeutic for me. Getting all the craziness outta my head is kinda helpful.

So those 10 thoughts just all came to me in the last 10 minutes or so, of me sitting here at this desk. My mind truly works this way... Scary, huh?

Day #2 - Picking My Battles

Day 2 of blogging and Day 3 of Miko (formerly known as Michael) being gone... Steadily still losing my mind, but still playing along.
So yesterday, I was feeling real awful about my parenting/leadership of these 3 little girls. I watched The Talk (gasp!) and Nicole Richie was talking about how she doesn't allow her kids to have any sugar, or dairy, no battery operated toys, no plastic ANYTHING (hence, no fun - kidding of course). She was saying how their brains are being formed and their reproductive systems are developing and blah blah blah. And I was left thinking, "Wow, I really suck at this being a mom stuff!!" My girls love their plastic, battery operated, brand new, dollhouse. They also love their brownies and cookies and cereal, none of which is sugar-free or vegan. I honestly was really beating myself up.
Later a friend asked for advice on FB. She's struggling with parenting and her lack of time for her husband and her post-baby weight and just day-to-day in general. I quickly, surprisingly so, commented with my advice, without a second thought. After sitting and thinking about that, I realized that I'm really not so bad at this mom stuff...
My comment to her was to "pick your battles". My mother-in-law, Lu, told me that right after my first daughter was born. I have learned to apply that to pretty much everything, everyday, and everyone.
My girls eat Oreos (i ate oreos when i was their age, ok... i still eat oreos). My girls watch Sponge Bob (i really hate to admit that, but when i have not showered in 2 days and i need them occupied, sponge bob is the least of my worries). My girls say things like "you're totally freaking me out!" and "you are seriously driving me crazy!" (am i proud of that? absolutely not... something i def need to work on). But my girls are happy. They are loved, and they know they are loved. They are well taken care of, beautiful, thoughtful, smart little princesses. Do I know they'd be all those things without dairy and sugar and batteries and TV and plastic and cleaning supply fumes and pressure-treated wood, and chemicals in their clothes and carpet and furniture and bedding and on and on and on and on (you get the idea...)? Sure they would. I'll even go so far as to admit they'd be better without all the crap that bombards their little systems on a day to day basis.
However, they would have a mom that was totally losing it. A mom in a constant panic about every single thing they were coming in contact with and exposed to. And yes, I know that EVERY decision I make is influencing the rest of their lives. I struggle with even typing that and think about it almost constantly. But, I'm not ready or willing to take on those battles right now. Maybe someday, but not now. For now, I'll make sure they're buckled in their car seats (because i know i sure never was), and I'll do my best to limit their exposure to second-hand smoke (because i know i sure was exposed), and I'll play with them as much as I can everyday, even with plastic toys (because my mom didn't have the luxury of staying at home).
And I'll know I'm doing the best I can do, with what I have, and what I know now... God wouldn't have it any other way!