Day #37 - Friendships

Well I guess I’m not done talking writing about this friendship topic. Lucky you?!?

I feel like I have more to sort out. It isn’t specific to the “deletor” (lol at that word again – and actually, on that note, I’ve recently realized I’ve been more than deleted. I’m blocked. So she is actually a “blocker”.) But she definitely initiated this thought process.  I’ll give credit where credit is due – although I don’t know that anyone would want to take credit for any of this crazy rambling… And in thinking about that, there is another friend that deserves some credit in all this friendship talk, but I haven’t talked to her about calling her out on my blog, so we’ll leave that alone for now ;0)

Anyhoo… More thinking has presented more questions. Joy!

If a tree falls in the forest and… oh… haha!... just wanted to make sure you were still paying attention!

What IS friendship? I mean, what has to happen for a friendship to exist? I thought I knew… but now looking over things, I don’t know that I really do.

Do friendships need monthly communication? Or weekly? Or even daily? What does that commnunication look like? Verbal, Text, even Facebook? Do you have to physically see someone to continue a friendship? If so, how often? Do your boundaries within a friendship have to be the same or can different expectations exist? Do boundaries eventually evolve into walls? Can assumptions create rifts and walls that are unnecessary?

What I’m starting to realize is – aha moment here! – my definition of friendship is different from others definitions and different for me depending on the friend involved. Make sense?

I think examples may help…

I have friends that I don’t talk to for months, but when we do talk, it’s like no time has passed. We pick right up where we left off. It works. I miss them at times, but things in our lives have changed, and I’m okay with that. Really, I have to be okay with that to stay on track and maintain that friendship, right?

I have friends I talk to almost daily. Some via phone, some via text, others via facebook (dreaded fb again!). These people I hardly ever see, in person. Again, it hasn’t always been that way, but it works now, for the most part.

I have friends that I actually see once or twice, or even three times, a week. Some of them are very close friends that I confide quite a bit in, and others are not. Some of those people I look forward to seeing and hearing their advice, and others… uh… not so much.

There are people that I consider myself “close with” that I hardly ever see. Some of those people are actually my first line of contact should anything catastrophic happen. A few of them, I don’t know what I’d do without. They’re great friends. And there are people that I see all the time that I don’t really even know. I share some common interests. We are at a similar spot in our lives. That has made us friends.

I know I’m kinda spinning in circles with all this talk right now – I guess I’m just trying to sort it out.

Because all of that leads me to this…

Can you be stay friends with someone whose “definition of friendship” is different?

If someone needs a weekly call, and I don’t have time for that right now – Can the friendship be maintained?

If I need to physically see a friend, to really know them, and we can’t figure out any time to make that happen – Can the friendship continue to grow?

If I have expectations of honesty and “real-ness” and someone doesn’t feel comfortable providing that all the time – Can real communication exist?

I think that the answers may be no.

And that kinda scares me…

Life changes. Things happen. People move. Children mature and grow and get involved in different activities. Seasons, stages, times all evolve… and relationships can evolve with them, or cease to exist…

I’m finding that some people are along for the ride, regardless of what else happens in my life. And some people may be quick to jump ship if things change for me.

I’m also finding that my feelings and views on friendship might need a little tweaking if I want to keep the friends I have. I’m willing to do some work, although I can’t budge on some of my sticking points. Call those boundaries, or walls, but they’re probably not budging.

Blessings

351. A fun filled weekend ahead

352. Time to sort my thoughts

353. Anticipation of seeing some old friends this weekend

354. A nice comment from a friend last night

355. A wonderful Ash Wednesday service at our church

356. Understanding people around us during Madeline’s lack of cooperation during the service

357. Fellowship over a soup and bread supper

358. An unexpected call from my sister-in-law

359. Words of advice and understanding (both ways)

360. The Lenten season

361. The unimaginable sacrifice of Our Father in giving us His Son

362. Growth in God

363. The order of creation

364. Michael’s “umbrella of protection”

365. Words of explanation that came to me during Bible study today

366. Laughter (again)

367. Smiles on my girls faces

368. A clean kitchen

369. Pizza night

370. Fish fry tomorrow night

Day #36 - Social Websites

It's been awhile since I've posted. Doesn't change the fact that I still have LOADS floating around in my mind... just a testament at how busy I've been.
First things first, Kate seems to be doing alright. We have a couple more appts scheduled, but I feel like the worst is behind us. I guess I'm trusting that she's going to be fine regardless of any test results.

So... back to my title... social websites... let me warn you, this may be a bit all over the place... I'm in the parking lot of Kate's school, listening to Wizard of Oz, and typing on my phone. Bare with me.

I guess I almost don't know where to start actually. I don't want to throw anyone specifically under the bus, but I'm sure feeling icky about a situation.
I'll begin with a question. When you delete a friend on Facebook, are you deleting them from your life? Okay maybe 2 questions. Is the act of deleting someone some sort of a silent statement? I guess I have questionS. Do you think, at the time, "I'll show them!!"? Am I the only one that wishes Facebook would notify you when you've been deleted? Ooh, or even better, that you got a message from the deletor (prob not even a word) with an explanation of why they chose to delete you? That could get pointed!

I've been deleted more times than I probably even know... and actually have done my share of deleting. When I came back to Facebook this time, my intention was to delete practically everyone. Instead, I chose to unsubscribe to most people. That way, they wouldn't assume I was upset or anything.
Anyway -- as you have probably gather -- I was deleted at some point over the weekend. I'm still perplexed over the whole mess -- as I'm sure you also can gather. I did send a text kind of asking for an explanation, although I'm actually not sure I need one. The point of me mentioning that? This was an actual "friend", not just some random Facebook friend/old classmate/3rd cousin twice removed. I was deleted by a bff.

And I will admit that we have not communicated a whole lot, like at all, in the past few months... and I did get an email Friday that I attempted to respond to Sunday, but I guess I was too late. I had already been deleted. Shoulda stayed home from the funeral I attended to email her back?!? I guess I wasn't in a huge hurry. I sure never expected to be written off...

Brings me to another question. Since when were friendships so easily disposed of that all it takes is a click of "delete", with no conversation, no consideration? Pretty sad state of affairs, if you ask me... and I know you didn't "ask", but I guess you care, if you're reading, right?!? ;-)

I'm of the belief that things happen for a reason. I think this friendship had reached its expiration date. Quite honestly, if my lack of response to 2 text messages and/or lack of a reply to an email within 24 hours is enough to send someone to the hills, I'm probably better off. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends. I need my friends. But I guess I'm at a stage in my life right now I can't do high maintenance. And more than that, I don't want to do high maintenance.

I need loving, supportive people in my life. People who aren't self-centered or dishonest. I need transparency, accountability, and trust.
Maybe that's too much to ask from some... but not from the good ones... and they know who they are...

Blessings

331. Deletions
332. Tossed salad on a Friday night
333. Seeing family on Saturday
334. Remembering what's truly important
335. Hugs and kisses from my late Grandma's brother and sisters
336. Hearing how I'm missed, and loved
337. Comments that my beautiful daughter looks like me
338. An impromptu meeting with the in-laws
339. Ronald McDonald in McDonald's
340. Watching Lauren light up while talking to him
341. Laughter from all the children
342. Sleeping babies on the way home from a full day
343. Day trips that allow us to sleep in our own beds at night
344. Realization that our church is important enough not to miss
345. A hug from an older church member, with the words "we sure missed you last week"
346. Hearing from someone else how amazing my hubby is with our girls
347. An afternoon nap
348. Spaghetti and meatballs
349. Meeting up with friends tonight
350. A busy week 

Day #35 - Constant Change

I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions lately… and thru all of it, I’m realizing that I’m a creature of habit.

I enjoy a routine. It takes some work for me to “think outside the box”. I like normalcy, don’t crave drama or excitement day in and day out. I love my life – predictable, average. It may appear boring to some people, but I wouldn’t want it any other way.

When these daily hum-drum’s get disrupted, I have a tendency to get bit overwhelmed. And I have gotten better at coping with my anxiety attacks, but I still feel a definite strain.

Recently, things have been in kinda a state of general upheaval. Michael is experiencing some things at work (that I feel more comfortable talking about once things are more concrete), Lauren and Madeline both have stinkin’ pink eye (which throws my general schedule off because I need to keep them away from other children if at all possible) and Kate… Kate has some stuff going on herself. I will say this about her stuff – we could use all the prayers we can get – I’m taking her in for additional blood work on Monday.

How does that saying go? The only thing constant is change. Is that right? Because that’s sure how I’m feeling right now.

In thinking about all of it today, I found myself questioning “why everything all at once”? At times I wonder why I feel pushed to my limits. What lesson is to be learned in chaos, discontent and confusion?

I know I’m feeling stronger. I’m feeling more in control than I would’ve a year ago, or even 6 months ago, facing these things. Why?

There are things beyond my control. Things that a few years ago, dealing with, I would’ve been distraught leaving up to “fate”. What has changed?

Hurry up and wait. Ugh! Used to make me absolutely crazy!

And the old “things will happen exactly the way they’re supposed to…” used to drive me totally up a wall! I know it’s true now though. Know it beyond any shadow of a doubt.

What’s the common denominator? C’mon people. God. Of course, God!

He has His hand on all of this. No decisions will be made concerning our future without prayer. (my how things have changed…)

And maybe everything is happening at once so that I can really learn to depend on Him.

Blessings

321. The ability to cope

322. Accepting me, the way I am, anxiety and all

323. Allowing myself to show real emotion

324. Friends reaching out in prayer

325. A long last night, with not much sleep, but hours of cuddling with my MJ.

326. New adventures on the horizon

327. Trusting in Him

328. Prayers

329. My church family

330. Visitors this weekend