Day #28 - Just about sums it up

Wow!

So I stumbled across this quote...

"The Christian gospel is that I am so flawed that Jesus had to die for me, yet I am so loved and valued that Jesus was glad to die for me. This leads to deep humility and deep confidence at the same time. It undermines both swaggering and sniveling. I cannot feel superior to anyone, and yet I have nothing to prove to anyone. I do not think more of myself nor less of myself. Instead, I think of myself less." -Tim Keller, The Reason For God

Dead on!!! Wow! He nails it in 6 sentences when I posted an entire blog about it the other day. I'm thinking I must read this book!!!

Blessings
241. Healthy loved ones
242. Kate the budding artist
243. Lauren napping
244. Madeline with a red marker colored face
245. Appreciation of my life
246. A three day weekend with my husband
247. One wrapped present
248. Fed Ex deliveries
249. Decent traveling weather
250. Christmas cards

Day #27 - Expectations of Perfection

I realized something awhile back and it's come up again... So I'm thinking I need to talk myself/whoever reads this through it.

I'm finding it interesting that when I profess to be a Christian some people then expect me to be perfect. I've heard all kinds of things that reflect this thinking. Examples? Um, yea, I have a few...

"Oh that's real Christian of you Stephanie!"
"What does God have to say about that?"
"Is that how Christian's speak?"
"This coming from someone that says they're a Christian?!"
"You're more than just a work in progress..."

I could go on. I have additional examples, but in starting to add them, I realize they could become a complete blog posting by themselves... I'll stick to the expectations of perfection for this post.

Anyway... The funny thing is... Becoming a Christian does not mean that I have become perfect. Hardly! It actually means almost the opposite. Becoming a Christian means (at least to me) that I realize I'm not perfect. It means I realize that I am a sinner. I was born a sinner. There is nothing I can do about that. It means that I know that I'm going to make mistakes, all day long, every day. But it also means that because I know that Jesus Christ died for those sins I can repent, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. I can resolve to do better. I can work harder on the things that really matter in life.

Being a Christian does not mean I'm "holier than thou". I am nothing better, nothing worse, than I was yesterday, or will be tomorrow. I am studying. I am trying to learn more. I am working hard at trying not to make the same obvious mistakes time and time again. But as I've said in the past, the more I learn the more I realize I have to learn. And God has patience with me...

Being a Christian does not mean that I was born and raised in the church. It does not mean that my past is mistake free. It does mean (for me) that I can leave my past mistakes in the past. I have been forgiven, absolved. God forgives and FORGETS! He doesn't want me rehashing things again and again. His Grace is enough. His Blood is enough.

Being a Christian does not mean that I place myself, or any other Christian that I know, on any plataeu higher than anyone else. We are all equal. All of us. Just because someone doesn't believe the way I do doesn't mean that God isn't working in them or through them. God is in everyone and is everywhere. Period.

We start every Sunday morning in our church with an admission of what we know is true. We are sinners. We deserve punishment. But because God is so merciful, so graceful, so everything that we are not... He gave us His Son... And the death of Jesus Christ on the Cross covers us in forgiveness. It's difficult to understand, unfathomable actually. But it IS. And it's wonderful...

Here is what I know to be fact. FACT. Since Miko and I started becoming intentional in our worship, things have gotten easier in our lives. The days that we pray together in the morning, before we start our day, run smoother than the days I don't drag my lazy butt out of bed. Sunday's are our best days. We get the most done, we spend the most time together as a family, and our family unit seems to function better. St. Paul's has been a blessing for us, all of us.

That doesn't just "happen"... Something greater, someONE greater has His hand on this. And because that is a FACT, I can rest easier at night. Because He has His hand on me, I don't think I'm perfect, I know I'm not. Heck, if I was perfect, what would I need Him for??? Come on people!!!

Blessings

221. Sunday School Christmas Program today
222. My beauties in their dresses
223. Shopping with a bestie yesterday
224. Time children-free
225. Friday night fellowship
226. A real babysitter
227. No tears when we left the girls with the sitter
228. Being a better mommy after a little time away
229. Hugs and kisses because I was missed
230. A busy week behind us
231. No early morning commitments for 2 weeks
232. Christmas Eve menu planning with my mom
233. Kate's Christmas party at preschool
234. All the cute decorations she made and brought home
235. The presents she made for us and gave me immediately
236. Shipments from my online shopping
237. Cost effective Christmas this year
238. Really realizing what Christmas is truly about... finally
239. Newly installed door knobs in the basement
240. Snoring Miko in the chair next to me

Day #26 - Over Commited?

I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about the commitments of life...

I am committed to being a follower of God, a wife, a mother, a member of our church, a friend, a sister, a daughter, an aunt, an in-law, an extended family member, a citizen, and even a home owner. I'm sure I've even missed a few...

If I just focus on what it means to be a committed wife (to my husband, because I'm sure it's different for different husbands) I can formulate another entire list of commitments. I'm committed to being his lover, his best friend, his cheerleader, his supporter, his confidant, his shoulder to lean on and ear to listen, the mother of his children, his meal preparer and laundry washer... and this list goes on and on...

Being a mother involves another lengthy list, as does sister, daughter, friend, and so on...

All these commitments are a lot of work. They include pleasurable activities, and some not so wonderful things. I'd say they're all gratifying, although in quite different ways (some days I'd probably never admit that at all).

All that to say this - the single most important commitment I have is to God. I am a hearer of His word. I am working on being a disciple of the truth. I am committed to worship, to prayer, to repentance, and to accepting His forgiveness.

Everything else is hard work... being a child of God is easy. It just IS. I'm not saying that it's always easier to do the right thing, or that I no longer struggle. I've actually found it to be quite the opposite as I've talked about before... But because I AM a child of God, because I'm committed to doing the right thing as often as I can, everything else is falling into place.

I still struggle with fleshy desires. I always will. But I'm committed to working through that. I know I'll fall down, but He will pick me back up. I can't be defeated. I can't be silenced. I'm off and running with all my new found knowledge because I have a new center. I have a new focus. And I am committed to God.

Blessings
211. New found commitments
212. This Advent season
213. Good conversation
214. Healthy debates
215. Acceptance
216. Appreciation
217. Acknowledgement
218. Grace
219. Mercy
220. Understanding

Day #25 - You just make do

Christmas shopping tomorrow... We hope to get it all done... With all 3 kids in tow. Should be interesting. Divide and conquer I guess.

This got me to thinking about how self-sufficient we have become. Not that we don't have people to lean on when we're really in a pinch, but Michael and I make do, with Michael and I. Date nights are non-existent. Quiet dinners are a thing of the past. Birthday and Christmas shopping has become a balancing act. Even visits to the restroom are no longer solo.

My little brother called tonight, excited about some business prospects, and asked what our plans were for this evening. I told him I was getting ready to go out to dinner. He asked where we were going... Well, I told him, we're going to Cottage Inn Pizza in Hillsdale. They have a play area for the kids, so Michael and I can have a little adult conversation before dinner arrives. Probably not "out for dinner" that my brother and his girlfriend experience. And actually, he said they were going to a movie tonight. Wow... A movie!?! It's been a long while since we've gone to a movie. But hey, this is our life.

And I wouldn't change it for anything!

It's been tough. I won't deny that. I've been sick and still had 3 babies to take care of. Michael has worked 3rd shift and had to try to sleep in the afternoon with screaming kids running through the house. There was the root canal/tooth infection fiasco, when I had my girls at the dentist office with me while they were drilling in my mouth. Kate and Lauren were at almost every one of my OB appts while I was pregnant for Madeline.

But we've powered through. And I even like to think that we're stronger because of it. I also know that I will never take any help for granted again.

It was quite a change going from living across the street from my mom to living in the middle of a field without any friends... It's tough to not have family close enough to help out.

But we've made friends. I have people that are totally willing to help me out now. Finally.

Now the twist has become - We're so used to doing it ourselves, it's strange to ask for help. We don't even think to drop the girls off somewhere, or ask someone to keep them for a few hours. That is now the "abnormal".

I think maybe we're just abnormal. ;-)

Blessings...
201. Pizza night
202. The beautiful big sister Kate is becoming
203. My 3 girls behaving at the restaurant and each eating a TON of pizza
204. The smiles we get walking through Walmart with 3 girls in our cart
205. Morning prayers with my amazing husband
206. God working in Miko's life
207. Advent dinner
208. Christian fellowship
209. Learning more and more about what God is calling us to do
210. Our girls and the 10 Commandments

Day #24 - Parking Lot Confessions

This post is actually from yesterday... I can't type on my blog from my phone, but I do have access to an app that allows me to journal. I don't think it's going to be continued effort, however. Typing an entire blog using one finger, on my tiny phone, just isn't working for me. I guess I need to take a book (the Bible???) or something when I have time to kill...

So here I am, sitting in the parking lot of Stadium Roller Skating. Lauren, Madeline and I are waiting for our Mommy and Me class to start. Normally, we'd wander through Walmart, or peruse Kroger. However, for the second time in less than a week, I forgot my wallet. So, here we sit. Thank goodness for my van's DVD player! Toy Story saves the day.

Today is my first day with no Facebook. Ugh. I have to admit, I'm struggling. Especially since I have nothing to do at the moment... silly wallet...

I know that I've made the right decision though. And I'm excited to see what develops from this change. Miko is thrilled. I swear he's 1/2 Amish or something! He's anti-social-media. Although now I think he may be onto something with that...

Me and my addictive personality will just suffer through the detox. I'm sure I'll  survive. And maybe my junk drawers won't be quite so junky, since I'll have time to organize. Maybe my laundry will be better caught up. Maybe my frazzled-ness will be lightened up. And maybe my girls will be happier with a Mommy that is plugged into them, instead of all the people she hasn't seen in years... a Mommy that has some time to color vs FB stalk...

I'm only anticipating great things. The people that were interested in my random thoughts, can follow me here... And hopefully email or comment... so that I'll feel kinda connected.

My blessings - I didn't get this far in typing yesterday...

181. Social Network Sites
182. The ability I have to realize when things have become a problem
183. My extra supportive friends that are along on this ride with me
184. My understanding family that puts up with my nonsense
185. The new projects I'll work on with my doll babies
186. Getting stuff done
187. Freshly laundered clothing
188. Clean closets
189. Random visits from family
190. Hugs
191. And kisses from my girls
192. Finger jello for my Star Student
193. Teaching the girls the songs for the Christmas Program at Church
194. The smiles on their faces as they learn
195. Singing at the top of our lungs
196. Loud music on the way to school in the morning
197. Madeline learning to dance
198. Much needed face time with my friends
199. Laughter
200. Making it to #200!!!!!!

I might be back later - Remember I have no facebook... So I have a lot more time to think... And quite a few ideas for posts floating around in this head of mine...

Day #23 - Being tested

1 Corinthians 10:12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall!

I'm stumbling. Seems like I start every post with something along those lines lately... Makes sense actually... Once you see where I'm headed.

I'm learning that the moment you think you've got something licked, you'll be tested in that area. The minute you think you have it figured out, or that something is not a problem in your life along comes the Devil ready to pounce and prove you wrong.

I'm experiencing this over and over and over and over lately. Seriously. And for some reason, although I know the truth, I still stumble over it and get hung up before getting back on course...

Examples? I was just writing, and telling people, how much my communication with my husband has improved. How I love where we're headed. How things have never been better. These things are all true. However, I just found out a new snippet of information that sent me for a tailspin. It's nothing over-the-top. Nothing I can't handle. But, I know it was a bigger deal to me because I was just going on and on about how wonderful things were. I got cut back down to size very quickly there.

Another? Friendships. Wowsa. Not too long ago I was commenting on how secure I am in my friendships. Ugh. Wish I woulda kept that to myself. Since then, I feel like I've been thrown under the bus by one friend. I've reached out repeatedly to someone else that says she needs friends, only to feel excluded by her countless times. I have "friends" that I have to be the one reaching out to all the time lately, or I feel like I wouldn't have any communication with them whatsoever... It's all exhausting, and silly, and I know that. But once again, another test. Gotcha there Satan. I can whip this one too.

I find myself wishing for easier days. Wanting everything to just be roses and rainbows and sunshine... That's not reality. The Bible says believers will be persecuted. There are going to be moments of weakness and woe-is-me. But I'm learning not to stay there. I don't need to reside in that ugly place of feeling sorry for myself.

I am a child of God. He died for my sins. I need to get back on my horse and keep riding.

Although I've felt kicked a few times lately, I will persevere.

171. Sunshine after the storm
172. White blanket of snow
173. Quiet time while the girls were out building a snowman
174. Warm winter jackets
175. Madeline finally leaving her hat on her head
176. 3 girls with 3 adorable haircuts
177. NYE plans for the first time in like 5 years
178. Pizza for dinner since I desperately need to grocery shop but forgot my purse at home today...
179. My beautiful friend that talks me down from the ledge almost daily
180. My amazing little brother who somehow knows to text me exactly what I need to hear, at the exact right moment