This morning as I was making breakfast for the kids, and was already feeling overwhelmed for the day, I found myself deep in thought... I was considering things that I've thought about many times before, but because I can't quite figure them out, put them aside for another time.
Example?
I've said it, many times. "I just need a break!" A break from what you might ask (not if you know me very well though, because you'd probably walk away from our conversation with my knuckle prints on your forehead). A break from dirty diapers, Nick Jr, settling disagreements over who is the real princess of our house and whether or not wearing shorts vs skirts makes someone a boy. A break from making 3 meals a day, brushing 4 sets of teeth twice a day, and reading the favorite books sometimes 5 times a day. A break from unmatched socks, missing mates of shoes, mis-matched earrings and barrettes (how ever you spell those crazy things), and general chaos. A break from... I'm sure you catch my drift... This morning I've already said "Don't put your feet on your sister's face" more than once! I've also let them eat 3 marshmallows apiece because I was already sick of arguing and it was only 830am. Mother of the Year Award?!? Highly unlikely!
All of that, to say this, a break is NOT what I need. I mean, I do enjoy some time alone, or with my friends, but in the end... I come back to snarled hair and kool-aid smiles... and (I'll say it!) I'm immediately right back to where I started. It's not like I suddenly grow patience and don't have a problem answering the same question for the 12th time in 30 minutes. I don't morph into a mom that enjoys scrubbing smashed spaghettio's out of carpet.
Unfortunately I think quite the opposite occurs for me. I find myself wishing the 4 hours with my friends was more like 4 years! I seem to get more easily exasperated. I find myself closer to my wits end, more quickly. It's like I've gotten a taste of freedom and I want it permanently!
Please don't get me wrong... I love my life. I love my girls and my husband. I just have these moments, err, these hours, that I feel overwhelmed, over-stressed, and over-stimulated by toddler activities.
Today is one of those moments.
A weekend of fun, sunshine, relaxation, brings me back to watching Little Bear, filling sippy cups, changing diapers and wishing Miko didn't have to go back to work.
And it hits me... I miss the closeness to home. I miss the random friend drop-ins, the family right around the corner to help out, the possibility of a break any day, instead of having to schedule things... We'll get there... Eventually.
Today, I'll focus on patience and laundry. There's always the laundry.
