I've been doing a whole lot of reflecting today... Sometimes bad news seems to do that for me...
Heard from a friend about another pregnancy loss. Actually, not technically a loss as of this moment, but it is just a matter of time. These people have also lost a home in a house fire, this week! I don't know them personally, but in reading the prayer request email I received, I was literally brought to my knees...
The entire miserable sad story really got me thinking about my faith... And others faith... And really questioning things.
Michael and I believe in God. We want our children to grow up knowing that Jesus Christ lived and died for their sins. I am a spiritual person, although I have strayed from doing the "right thing" far more than I care to admit sometimes. I did not grow up in a church, or even in a home where God was discussed daily, weekly, or even monthly. I was baptised, but that was last year. Michael, on the other hand, was raised Lutheran, has been through cathecism and confirmation. But I'm sure if you asked him, he would tell you he definitely has not always done what God has expected of him. He was just invited to be in a Bible study and declined the invitation. (I haven't really discussed that with him, because I'm pretty sure we'd end up in a heated discussion and I'm not in the mood for that any time soon...)
I will admit that I'm one of those people that leans on God when it feels like the right thing to do... Usually not when things are going awesomely (not a word, I'm sure), not when things are just fair and normal and everyday... A lot of the time, it's when things have gone terribly ary and I just don't know what else to do but "Let Go and Let God".
But we have been blessed. Michael and I are so extremely lucky! We have a wonderful family, 3 beautiful healthy little girls. He has an amazing job. A job that allows me to be a stay at home mom and raise my little darlings to be everything God has planned for them. Don't get me wrong, we've gone thru some stuff... I was a single parent, for almost a year, while Michael worked a job that had him traveling all week, every week. After we moved to Ohio and we had Lauren, I suffered from severe post-partum depression and Michael was working 70 hr work weeks for his plant start-up. We suffered through some family nonsense, just like most people I know. Somehow though, things always end up perfectly.
My pregnancies, none of the 3, were planned. They were all wonderful though, no complications, no problems during birth, not even any morning sickness. And of course, I hated most every minute of being pregnant. Did I pray then? Not a single time that I can think of, off the top of my head.
That brings me to today. The horrible news that brought me to tears and dropped me to my knees. I don't know the couple personally. The family members of theirs that I know, are very spiritual. (Actually, the person I received the email from is the reason why I am in a Bible study on Monday nights.) So, I'm assuming that the family is probably Christian... And I'll even go so far as to say I'd bet they're walking a bit closer with God than Michael and I do...
So WHY? Why does it seem like things like this happen to the people that you'd never expect them to? Why does God allow the people that worship Him the most to sometimes suffer the most? How do Michael and I seem to reap all the blessings and not do any of the up-front leg work? Why am I any more worthy of these beautiful little blessings I named Kate, Lauren, and Madeline than anyone else in the world that prays nightly for a miracle baby?
I think I have some praying to do...
